I get a lot of emails asking for advice on how to approach fresh sluts or good girls, take your pick; so here’s a breakdown that will help the newbies and provide a refresher course for the veteran players.
The first step in becoming great with women is learning How To Approach. Period. You can’t pull a girl and enjoy her fresh tasty tight pinkness without at first approaching her and building her interest through your verbal and body language skills.
Now you’re thinking, “I’m good looking so I get approached all the time”, well congrats for looking like a Greek god and being a minor celebrity in your bubble of a world; however MOST guys don’t look like Greek gods and will HAVE TO APPROACH in order to get laid. If you err in relying on being approached solely, then get ready for lots of lonely nights on your couch furiously masturbating to the latest Bang Bros video vixen.
There are 3 main components of the Art of The Approach: Mental, Physical and Instinctual.
Show me a cat approaching college co-eds on campus while he’s in a depression and his face is taut with anxiety over XYZ problems and I’ll show you a guy who’s getting blown out of the water. Girls have a sixth-sense for a guy who’s not congruent in what he says and how it comes across in their communication. YOUR mental well-being, first and foremost, is more important than you getting a night with Megan Fox at your local hotel. If you’re dealing with depression, anxiety or any type of mental illness, then take care of that first. Girls aren’t going anywhere.
Let’s say that you’re healthy mentally and are good to go. Then here’s the how Mental plays into the Art of The Approach:
Your internal monologue is being broadcast to the world through your eyes, your word choices and your body language.
Unless you’re the world’s best actor, you cannot hide the negative self-defeating thoughts flowing through your mind before you head out to approach girls; whether that’s at Coffee Bean or the club. I’ve mentioned it before in my 11 Step Prep article, but I’ll reiterate it again: affirmations work. Talk yourself up: “I’m a badass motherfucker, I’ve been blessed with great looks” (whether true or not; doesn’t matter), “I’m charismatic, girls WANT to be with me, girls want to date me, girls desire a dream guy just like ME”.
Call it corny, call it new age bullshit, call it multi-level marketing fuckery; but show me a player who CONSISTENTLY pulls quality ass and I’ll show you a player who’s positive and NOT self-defeating.
Get your positive thoughts flowing, smile in the mirror and get ready to get Physical…
Ever noticed how when you’re dressed in your favorite outfit, you just got a haircut and you worked out earlier in the day, that you feel unstoppable? Your mentality of self-worth will skyrocket when you combine the positive self-talk + taking care of yourself + dressing your best.
When you wear a suit, people show you more respect, girls eye-fuck you and valet brings your car to the front a lot quicker. Now, I’m not saying you have to wear a suit, what I’m saying is that you need to determine exactly what your Optimum Style is and make a real effort to maintain that look. If you’re a V-neck sweater + nice jeans type of cat, then rock the fuck out of that style. Whatever is making YOU feel confident, sexy and outgoing should be your go-to outfit and style.
How you feel mentally (positive), plus how you feel physically (clothes/working out) comes across in your Body Language.
Body language is so fucking big in approaching I could write 10 articles on it and still not explain the importance of this one. It is KEY. Girls are drawn and repelled by body language. I know for a fact that much of my approach success is due to my body language. Why? Because multiple girls have told me, “There’s something about the WAY you CARRY yourself physically”. Yes dear, it’s called walking around like every girl in a 50 foot radius would be lucky to have my cock for 5 minutes. Try adopting this attitude gents and watch your success soar.
Quick Recap: Mental Health including being positive, self-confidence boosting INNER and OUTER dialogue + Physical Self-Awareness, knowing your personal best style and walking around like every girl would die to be with you = enhancing your approach success. These are tangible aspects of The Art of The Approach; however, this last component is NOT tangible, but is the ‘IT’ factor of approaching: Instincts.
Instincts may seem like something that you can’t develop, but you actually can. Let’s get real for a second: remember the last time you kissed a girl at the right moment? Remember how you just knew the timing was right, went for it and it was a success? That’s called instincts. The more you listen to those instincts and TRUST them, the more ‘natural’ you’ll seem. The fact is most ‘naturals’ are simply in touch with their instincts and utilize them when dealing with girls.
I used to question myself when dealing with girls years ago and we all know what happens when you start overthinking your interactions with them: you suck and it comes across canned and slightly moronic. As my confidence increased and I realized that for the most part trusting my instincts played to my favor, then my approach success and overall pull rate skyrocketed.
Unless you’re simply a fucktard with a 78 IQ, odds are you have instincts that will serve you when you trust and go with them. Test them and learn to utilize them.
One of the myths of game that has been perpetrated for a long-ass time is that you can approach ANY girl and get her in bed if your game is tight. Hold the fuck on a minute. It’s impossible to pull every single girl you approach. Some will simply not be into you physically, despite your game, some will be married and loyal to their hubbies, some will not like your shoes and nothing you say can change her mind. That’s okay. Who the fuck wants to be with a girl who you have to convince to that extent that she should be with you? It’s a waste of time.
I’m going to let in you in a little secret that will increase your successful approach rate by A LOT. You ready?
Get an IOI (Indicator of Interest) from her BEFORE approaching.
The casual eye glance that lingers on you, the moving her and her friends closer to you on the dance floor, the talking loudly for no apparent reason but to get your attention, and of course the ever trusty hair flip and ‘fuck me’ eyes that a girl may give you.
Now you might think that getting an IOI BEFORE you approach isn’t game. Wrong. It’s knowing how to maximize your potential until you’re a magnet for the girls who are MOST into you. The girl who is already attracted to you, or interested in you will be MUCH easier to game then the girl you walk up to who has shown you NO interest. Later after you’ve become better you can focus on approaching the girls who are not displaying interest and pulling them. Also, the girl who shows you IOI’s initially is the girl who you have a much better chance of having a ONS with. Fact.
Let’s use a club as an example.
After skipping the line and not paying cover because you utilized the Club Lock-Down outlined in my book, you make one pass around the club, hit the bathroom and then post up at the bar. In your initial pass around the club spreading good energy, what did you do? Oh that’s right, you made Soft Approaches. By high-fiving girls, making quick comments and being upbeat and having an authoritative presence, you already made it known that you’re a fun guy and a man of high value. You set the Framework for your Hard Approaches.
As you post up at the bar, you notice a couple of different girls checking you out, dancing closer and giving you the eye. As Shakespeare would say, “The Stage is set so go and pull the lass into your lair”. Half the work is now done. These are your targets.
Now, I want you to understand something: You must crawl before you can walk and you must walk before you can run. If you’re new to game, do NOT expect to hit the club and start pulling 9′s and 10′s. Unless you have extremely good looks and natural charisma you will be blown out. You have to start somewhere and no that doesn’t mean you have to nail 4′s and 5′s, but your initial Middle Ground is 6′s-8′s. These are the ‘easiest’ girls and the ones where you will practice. Call them Practice Girls. Once you’re great at those, you can start focusing on 8+’s.
As you pick a target who’s giving you the eye, now is the time to remember the Greatest Pick-Up Line In The World: “Hi, I’m Christian…” (wink/half smirk)
What?! But it can’t be? It’s that simple? Yes. In the club guys are CONSTANTLY dropping bullshit pick-up lines to the point where it’s completely been done a million times and it’s ineffective. By being a normal fucking man and giving her a greeting with your name, you’re establishing Confidence and Frame with the girl.
Confidence: By stating your name, you’re already being open with her about something regarding you. Now it could be a fake name, but it doesn’t matter, she doesn’t know that. You have to remember, she doesn’t know you from Adam, so some comfort building is necessary.
Frame: You’re setting a no-nonsense tone from the get-go. If you truly want to get great at having one night stands, then learn to cut the bullshit and eliminate steps that will only drag out the process and kill the momentum of taking the girl home the first night.
After you have introduced yourself to her, now is the time you can drop something witty or clever.
“Is this guy really a dj? My fucking ears are bleeding” (opens a whole stream of topics regarding music etc etc)
“I noticed you staring at me…I know it’s not everyday you see a guy this good looking” (Funny if you’re NOT good looking and if you are good looking, say it with a smile so she knows you don’t take yourself to serious. Self-deprecation is ok, but in SMALL doses. Better to be Cocky then a Clown)
“You do know it’s rude to stare right?” (It’s flirty, puts her on the spot and she will probably shit-test you at this point. Hold fast and firm that she was staring at you)
There’s a million different replies to her and responses she’ll give you, however, the ONLY way to become a master at approaching, is to get in the trenches and approach your ass off. Get out and approach until your legs fall off.
Ready to approach hotties during the day? Go here.
Read More: 3 Ways To Deal With Cockblocks