Something that I haven’t seen covered much, if at all, is how to dominate a social setting. This is a topic that is absolutely fundamental in your development into a well rounded Alpha Male.
Without bragging and said with just complete confidence, is that one aspect of my personality is that I am very good at dominating a social setting and specifically working a room. In fact when I enter a social setting, I rarely, if ever, see other men who are working a room or dominating a social setting as well as I do.
They key here is that I developed it and the good news is, so can you! This is a LEARNED SKILL.
I first began to work on this skill in high school, where pecking order is established your freshman year and carries throughout your four years.
I used to watch a lot of old films with great manly stars who had an incredible charisma. This was one key to my development. I would literally watch these films over and over and over pausing, rewinding and studying the hell out of their body language so that I could adapt it to my own personality.
List Of Films To Watch
-The Cincinnati Kid
-The Thomas Crown Affair
-The Great Escape
-The Godfather (particularly Al Pacino’s character. Study his body language)
-A Streetcar Named Desire
-Pretty much any and all James Bond films
-Alfie (the old and new one)
-The Color of Money
-Vanilla Sky (new film, but Tom Cruise spits some solid game and shows the playboy lifestyle)
-The Unbearable Lightness of Being
-Collateral (another newer film, but watch Tom Cruise’s commanding body language)
-Cocktail (old and slightly tacky, but watch Tom’s charisma behind the bar. Golden.)
-Warrior (Newer, but to get you motivated to get in the gym, this film is a powerhouse)
-Nip/Tuck the TV Show.
-Californication the TV Show.
-Two and Half Men (the episodes with Charlie Sheen are good to show his IDGAF attitude)
-Mad Men (the Don Draper character)
-Cruel Intentions (yea it’s a tacky film, but Ryan Phillipe’s character’s body language and speech pattern are on point)
I’ll add more to another article, but this will get you started.
The second key to my developing this skill, was to study the guys who were older than me, the juniors and seniors. I would observe from a distance the alpha males of my school and how they interacted with both women and men, their body language, verbal skills and how they reacted to different situations. I literally ‘stole’ their moves and adapted it to my own personality. Those skills helped me become the co-captain of my ice hockey team my junior year and helped me become a leader among my peers.
The third key to my developing this skill was to put myself into different unknown social settings and force myself to work the room. There’s nothing that will develop your skills quicker, than to jump into the water so to speak. From charity dinners, to town hall political meetings, to house parties, I turned into a social magnet attending everything that I could fit into my schedule.
This in essence was my Social Setting Boot Camp. And boy if this didn’t pay off!
By the time I started college, I felt like I was able to handle any situation. Eh, not quite!
For my first year of college I attended a very small religious college in the Midwest. I hated it. With a passion. I didn’t want to go, but the parental influence was strong. Looking back I would have taken a harder stance on not attending, but alas I was 17 years old and had not completely formed a backbone.
Attending that school for one year taught me a lot. You see, I was not going to go into theology, or serve in the ministry, so in essence, I was on the outside and and definitely not considered a ‘cool kid’. I became a bit of a loner, because the people their annoyed me and we had nothing in common.
While I tried to be a ‘good kid’ and obey the stringent collegiate rules, it didn’t matter much. After the first semester I was kicked out of the college. The irony was, it was due to lies being spread by other guys who simply didn’t have enough going on in their pathetic lives and decided to inflict shit on me.
I was elated. No longer would I have to attend that dreaded college. Then fate struck. The dean of the school was close friends with a mutual friend of my father and he pulled some strings. Alas, I was back the next semester but with even more rules thrust upon me. Fuck.
I decided I could do one of two things:
1. Be pissed as hell and cause trouble on a whole other level.
2. Throw a smile on my face and make the best of it, while building my social circle OUTSIDE OF THE COLLEGE.
I chose the latter option and that semester set my life on a different course.
The city the college was based in is a major Midwest city, and our campus was located in the downtown area. While I didn’t even have a car, I knew I could take the public transit and make connections outside of the school, so that’s exactly what I did.
I got a job at a popular college aged clothing store at the major mall. I started there and talked to everyone! I mean everyone. Didn’t matter if it was the mall security guard, my co-workers, or people on the bus, I was bound and determined to make my own social circle.
As my popularity outside of the school gathered momentum, a funny thing happened at my school. People started noticing that I wasn’t attending the big events, I was always on the go, I was rarely there on weekends, instead, spending time at cool parties and outside events that they had NO access to.
Guess what happened? All of the ‘cool kids’ at school started to get envious and made it their goal to become my ‘friend’. The beauty of that, was now it was my time to exclude them and give them the cold shoulder. Payback is a bitch. I was on my way and nothing could stop me.
That was my last semester there and I transferred to a Big 10 University where I could really breathe and put my socials to test.
The first thing I did was Get Involved.
I joined a million different clubs including the Political Science Club, tried out for the Tennis Team (and made it), the party planning committee and a slew of others. I got myself Plugged In. This is key. No one will give two fucks about you, if you don’t get yourself involved. Even the Bible says in order for a man to have friends, he must show himself friendly.
Upon entering the Big 10 School I started to really get involved with partying. The school had been voted the #1 Party School in America a couple of years before I attended and the reputation was no joke.
At the same time, I started really attending clubs and bars and developing my Nightclub Game. This is where I really learned how to work a room.
You see, the key to working a room starts with yourself, or your Inner Game.
You have to really believe in yourself and believe that your presence constitutes Value. If you don’t believe that you have anything to add to the party, than you won’t. I knew that my mere presence added to the mood and vibe of the party, club, bar or social setting and thus displayed that through my Outward Actions. This is very key, so re-read that last paragraph slowly and let it sink in.
The second key to working a room, is that you must show it in your Outward Actions.
Well how the hell do you do this? I’m about to tell you my secrets that I’ve never written about, or told anyone. You ready?
Stay Tuned For Part II out this week…
Get the SECRETS to my SUCCESS with becoming an Alpha Male here.
Read More: How To Become A Club Promoter