As promised, here is Part II of this multi-part series on How To Dominate A Social Setting. Read Part I here.
There are 7 Steps in Outward Actions that help you work a room and establish yourself as a dominate male in a social setting. Here are the first 3.
#7. Immediately Take In Your Surroundings Upon Entering A Room
The first step that I always do once entering a room in a social setting, is to take a few seconds (7-10) and look around the room. As you gain experience doing this, it will become instinctive to you and you won’t even consciously think about it, you’ll just do it.
What am I looking for when I look around the room?
-Who’s the Power Players?
When I say ‘players’, it’s not exclusive to the guys who are good with women, although they are included, but who at that moment has the most dominance in the room. I take note of these guy (s).
-What Is The Ratio Of Men To Women?
Based on the event, there will be less women than men, or possibly more women. This will dictate what facet of my personality I will ‘turn on’. If it’s packed with women, I will be more light hearted and fun. If it’s packed with men and it’s more of a business setting, I will reserve my fun side for small moments and will access parts of my personality that are more firm, leader like and formal.
Note: You’ll usually have an idea of what type of an event it is and will have some idea of the ratio before you go based on the content. Prepare yourself mentally, but be prepared to change up if necessary.
-Where Is The Bar?
Almost every event from an art gallery opening to a charity event will have a bar. I take note of it for use immediately, or later. Later, when I meet a girl, or possible business connection I want to be able to take them to the bar without searching for it. Roaming around an event asking for where the bar is, is something that average people do. Do you want to stand out as knowing your surroundings or roaming in the dark getting other’s advice?
-Where Are The Social Cliques?
These are easy to spot because the group of people in them are very comfortable with each other. These are the group of guys, usually at least three and more, who are cracking jokes and focused on others around them. They are in essence on the inside looking out. These can be the toughest groups to crack so take note and when you’re new to working a room, save these for last after you’ve warmed up the others in the room.
-Where Are The Outliers?
These are also easy to spot. See the guy by himself standing at the edge of the party alone and looks unsure of himself? That’s an outlier. These types are what you can build your group up with. Yes, even the ‘rejects’ play a role and you can turn their weakness into your strength in the moment.
Befriend these types. It’s quite easy and while it helps you, it also helps them because now they’re no longer bored and worried about being alone. It’s a win-win. After your introduce yourself utilizing warm charisma and confidence, then will be drawn to you like a moth to a flame. Non-confident people are extremely drawn to confident people because they feel safe, accepted and happy in your presence, as long as you make them feel included. That’s all they want to feel and you my friend, are going to give it to them.
#6. Immediately Spring Into ACTION Introducing Yourself
In the same vein of approaching girls, you have to immediately approach people in a social setting. If you stand around for twenty minutes and then start approaching people, it comes off in congruent because it is and seems forced and like you had to work yourself up to do so. WE know that maybe you did have to work yourself up, but you did so BEFORE you entered the party by chatting up your driver and people outside the event.
Here’s an easy formula to help you get started doing this:
-Start with the Outliers.
-Shake their hand (always using your right hand) firmly and look them in the eye as you do.
-Eye contact is huge! Look into their eyes and try to see what they’re thinking. This gives off the “It was like he could see into my soul” quip people say about charismatic people.
-Be warm and friendly without being overly nice. This is a delicate balance, but you’ll find what works for you as you work on this aspect of developing yourself.
-After you introduce yourself, ask them about themselves (key!) and then comment. The next step is very important:
-Tell them that you’re going to head to the bar and they should join you IF THEY LIKE. This is a sideways invite that if they reject is less obvious. Adding “if you like”, is putting the decision on them. This establishes that you’re doing what you want and they can follow if they want to, but the dynamic is clear: You Are The Leader.
-Odds are they will be grateful to have someone to talk to and will follow you to the bar. Now you have one person in your group.
Rinse and Repeat.
On your way to the bar, you’ll see another outlier. Make friends, but this time make it even more brief and then continue on your way. If you take the ‘long route’ to the bar, then by the time you reach it, you’ll probably have 3-5 other men with you. Now you have your ‘own’ group and you haven’t even really got started.
What does this do? This establishes you to the other dominate men in three ways:
1. You immediately walked into the venue and ‘gathered your troops’.
2. You are a leader and someone to be reckoned with.
3. People follow you, therefore you are strong.
Pro-Tip: You don’t HAVE to start with the outliers, but if working a room is new to you, then do so. Once you’ve gained experience and developed this aspect of your personality, then you can dive right in and build your own group with others with more dominance, but not as much as you. Also remember, that Outliers will generally be more loyal to you in a group setting, because they are grateful that you gave them attention and will reciprocate with loyalty.
#5. Hold Court And Get Comfortable
The 3rd step is key because this is where you firmly establish your social setting dominance within your group and maintain it for a few minutes. If you cannot maintain dominance within your group of Outliers, you will be made into mince meat once you approach the top dogs in the room. Being dominant doesn’t mean you’re acting like a big shot and talking over people in your group. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s a underlying current of energy that establishes you as the clear leader of the group, but others will conform to you because you show them respect in your leadership.
To make this simple, here’s an idea of how this works.
-You’ve selected a drink at the bar, (can be non-alcoholic as well and for specific social settings I actually abstain due to wanting to be 100% on point) and now have your group around you.
-Stand tall with your back to the least interesting part of the room (such as the corner wall) and face OUT to the energy part: i.e. the center of the room. You have to be able to survey the room and what’s happening in order to effectively work the room.
-Based on how you stand, your group will gather around you and ‘conform’ to your stance. In other words, if you are facing out they will make a circle or group around you based on which direction you’re facing. If they DON’T do this, then maintain your stance and whoever gathers around you is a true outlier. Odds are if you followed my formula to a T, then they will gather around their new leader.
-Get comfortable by asking them questions, being genuinely interested and commenting. Remember the Conversation Wheel?
Ask, Listen, Comment.
-Steer the conversation by leading the topics. Let’s say you guys are discussing horse racing and then you switch from discussing horse racing to horse power by bringing up a new sports car that was just released that’s barely street legal. Get it? You’re leading the conversation.
-Make people laugh. If you haven’t developed this part of your personality yet, then work on it. There’s multiple types of funny people, some are sarcastic, some are lough out loud funny and some are very dry witted. Find out what your STRENGTH is and develop it. I tend to be one sarcastic mutherfucker with a touch of wit thrown in. I utilize this strength in social settings in SMALL DOSES. You don’t want to be the group clown. If something said is begging for a joke, then toss one in, but do it as a backward, half-thought quip. Don’t make it seem like you’re TRYING to be funny. Do it as an afterthought and it’ll be even funnier.
In Part III of this multi-part series on How To Dominate A Social Setting, I’ll break down the remaining 4 steps in the 7 step process.
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Read More: How To Dominate A Social Setting: Part I