How To Dominate A Social Setting: Part III

Alas, the much anticipated 3rd part of this series has arrived. You can refresh your memory with Part I and Part II.

Here are the final four points for How To Dominate A Social Setting.

#4. Don’t Be THAT Pushy Guy With The Business Cards

There’s nothing more grating on everyone’s nerves, then the guy who is ‘working the room’ by interrupting the conversation of other guests and shoving his business card under their noses.

Once incident that stands out to me, in a sea of many, is a couple of years ago when I was attending a film premiere in Hollywood. I was chatting with the producers and the director (personal friends and business partners) and an actor approached us with his business card literally EXTENDED in front of him! I turned my face because I wanted to laugh out loud, but restrained myself.

The producers and the director were cordial, but it took me intervening and being the ‘bad cop’ to get the annoying actor to leave our circle. Guess what happened to the business cards he shoved in our hands? I used mine to wrap my gum in and I saw the producers chuck theirs in the trash. The director used his to cut up lines at the after-party, so I guess it was somewhat helpful.

One of the keys to dominating a social setting is NOT being that needy guy who needs other’s approval and isn’t using the event just to further his personal cause. While you ARE there to improve your social skills and network, there’s a funny thing that happens when you’re non-needy. The Power Players are drawn to YOU. Why is this?

The reason is that what usually happens at social events, is that 90% of the people are average in their social skills, 9% are a mix of awkward, aloof, or shy and the remaining 1% are the Dominate Ones.

The reality is: There’s just not many people who truly know how to work a room and be dominate. This is a good thing! This makes it easier for you to improve and become a part of the 1%. When you are not the Eager Beaver running around the room like I Am Sam, then you will catch the eye of the top dogs who will wonder “Who is this guy?”, “Why haven’t I seen him before?”, “What’s his story/line of work?”.

Understand that the #1 question people ask each other at social events is: “What do you do?”

Trust me, you’ll get a chance to tell what you do, but better to have it asked of you, then to blab about it. Less is more and mysteriousness is always attractive.

In essence, your mere presence and following the steps I outlined in Part II, is what will make you catch the attention of the other socially dominate men. What you do next, is key for when you make your move to be first, a part of the dominate circle and two, to be the most dominate presence in the room.

#3. Get Your ‘Hook’ Before Approaching The Power Players

Unless you get introduced to the power players before you approach them, you should be thinking of your ‘hook’ while holding court with the Outliers. Don’t approach them until you have one.

A ‘Hook’, is essentially your ‘bait’ for the power players. Here’s a few examples of what the ‘hook’ is, so when you approach you bring VALUE to them.

-Pretty Girls (Always #1, and how I got started meeting powerful people. Be THAT guy who is always rolling with a couple of models and see how your social events calendar fills up quick. Powerful and rich men love beautiful girls, although many of them have the worst game I’ve ever seen. If you can become the guy who brings girls, you’ll get invited and welcomed everywhere)

-The lowdown on a great Afterparty or other Event

(Note: make sure you have something in stone BEFORE inviting, or risk looking like an idiot and giving yourself a NEGATIVE reputation to the power players)

-An Introduction

Do you have a guest with you, or did you meet someone of great importance at the bar? Powerful people love to meet other powerful people. Become the Connector and watch your life change before you know it. I’ve always been a connector and it’s not only paid me handsomely monetarily, but also in creating a personal network that’s only 1 degree from the White House. Connections = Power.

12_Connery_showgirl_1

#2. Don’t Bail On The Outliers

Now that you’ve found your hook, you’re preparing to approach the power players, but listen up: Don’t bail on your group you formed. Not only is that shitty as hell, but knowing the following three things will keep you grounded and more self-assured when you approach:

Know Where You’re Coming From: You entered the social event upbeat and positive due to the aforementioned warm-up I wrote about. You’ve been conversing for some time now.

Know What You’re Doing: You’re holding court with your new friends and have firmly established yourself as the Top Dog in the group. This will give you confidence and prepare you well when you approach the other Top Dogs.

Know Where You’re Going: You’re about to approach the power players, set the ‘hook’ and complete the circle of becoming the a dominating force at the event. Knowing your PURPOSE in your APPROACH is absolutely KEY to being successful at this. This also applies to approaching girls. Know Before You Go.

By me saying “don’t bail on the Outliers”, that doesn’t mean that you won’t leave them to approach the power players, but what it does mean, is that you will make plans to rejoin them after making a round of the room. Here’s what you say:

To the group: “Gentlemen it’s been great meeting all of you. I’m going to make a round of the room and meet you guys back here in a few minutes. If you want to join me, feel free”.

This makes it clear that you’re leaving for a bit, but you’re being respectful and not just ditching the social group that YOU put together. Odds are you’ll have a couple guys who join you. Cool. Now you’ve got your own posse when you work the room more, which establishes you as a leader.

#1. Make A Connection With The Power Players

If you’ve followed the steps I’ve outlined for you, then you’re ready to approach the power players and dominate the social setting.

Since you’ve spotted the power players and know who they are due to the event program, or by word of mouth, then when you approach you can do so with confidence because you also have your ‘hook’.

Here’s the steps to take to make a real connection to the power players:

-Approach

-Introduce yourself and whoever is with you.

Pro-Tip: When you introduce people, ALWAYS introduce in order of importance.

Example: “Mr. Senator Smith, this is John Doe VP of Ford Motors. Mr. Doe, Senator Smith of California”.

If in doubt of who’s more important, than use AGE as your guide. Oldest = most important. This is a respect thing.

-Connect on a similarity: while you’re chatting with them on some topic, find common ground on a topic, or opinion. CONNECT on that. People love to meet other people with similar tastes. Could be about cars, sports, women, whatever, but make that ‘connection’ and make sure it’s sincere.

-Drop the ‘hook’: “Good meeting you guys, by the way, there’s a afterparty in the Hollywood Hills later. Supposed to be blondes and trouble. Interested?”)

-Excuse yourself. Read closely: ALWAYS be the first person to leave the group. You do NOT want to be the guy who over stays his welcome. You’re a busy guy remember? Have somewhere else to go (you do remember? Back to YOUR group) and excuse yourself with a promise to return later and finish chatting about XYZ topic. This will make it natural for you to return to the group because you have already ‘cleared it’ ahead of time and opens up your groups at the event.

The beauty of having a ‘hook’, is that 99.9% of other men who approach the power players, will do so because they WANT something, instead of doing as you will, which is provide VALUE to them.

They WILL NOT forget that and you will stand out in a great way. Be a Giver and not a Taker in these situations and watch how it comes back to you 10 fold.

The more you do this, then you can literally walk around the room and talk to everyone because you already set up a base of which to do so. This is VERY similar to Gaming girls at the club and parties with the methods I teach.

Guess what happened when you were making a real connection with the power players? Another cat just walked in the room and spotted you and the other guys and knows you are the movers and shakers of the event. Wonder if he read this series on How To Dominate A Social Setting or is he going to be an Outlier?

Bonus Tip: Always Touch Base Before Leaving The Event

This is KEY. Right before you leave the event, always make a quick round and touch base with each contact you made saying something like this: “I’m taking off, but wanted to say it was great meeting you and let’s definitely (do lunch, dinner, grab drinks, whatever) soon”.

This stands out to people, that you took the time to say goodbye to THEM. People want to be liked and thought of. Learn to make people feel good and you can do big things.

This concludes this 3 Part Series, but it’s just the beginning of the Social Dynamics articles I have planned for this blog. This is a topic that is crucial to a man’s success and I’m happy to share my experience and wisdom with you all.

Did you see that gorgeous girl just walk by? What are you going to say to her? Approach her now.

Read More: How To Dominate A Social Setting Part II

  One thought on “How To Dominate A Social Setting: Part III

  1. D
    02/02/2015 at 1:00 am

    Hey there Christian
    I wanted to express how much I’m enjoying your writing. It packs a mean punch with a load of information in a easily consumed manner. Your skillz are impressive.

    Here’s a puzzle. No social circle. Job in a hooked in profession but am the equivilant of a career outlier. Oh yea..social anxiety when approaching new people. Strong image people perceive at first blush tends to crumble when approaching, and seems to actually work against. Any thoughts?

    Like

  2. seaAltair
    05/16/2014 at 8:34 pm

    Hi McQueen:

    what kind of hooks worked best for you during your early college years

    Like

    • 05/16/2014 at 9:54 pm

      Mainly girls and access to parties.

      The older I get, those remain, but also being a Connector.

      Like

  3. neil
    05/16/2014 at 2:49 pm

    Great series, Christian! Thank you!!!

    Like

  4. 05/16/2014 at 1:36 pm

    Just found your site recently. Damn fine advice you give out. Wish I would have had it in high school and college, but I’ll take it in my early 40s. Keep doing what you do. I’ll keep reading.

    Like

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