This post is one that hit me the other day and I have to get it out, because it’s burning like a fire in my soul. In a society where we as men are bombarded with constant opinions on what “you should do as a man!”, and references to “man up! Get married, have kids, and get a mortgage!”, it’s important to take a motherfucking minute and analyze what each and every one of us wants out of life.
#5. To start, remove any judgement of what you truly want to do.
This is key. The reason being, that if you allow society to dictate to you what you should be doing, then if you follow along, although your gut and instinct is screaming at you to do the opposite, you will NOT be happy. Listen: you only get one life. Fuck going through it miserable. I’m dead serious. When you’ve faced death and come back, you have a new appreciation for life.
Now your concept of your ideal life may be a dental practice in the burbs’, 5 kids, a golden retriever and a big house and guess what? There’s not a damn thing wrong with that. Some cats are more traditional in what they desire and that’s totally cool. The important thing is that it’s what YOU want and not what you’ve been TOLD you should want.
Taking this to a personal level, my goals are on the ‘hard’ side of most men. I will be on the cover of TIME magazine one day. Why? Because that’s a goal that I have and I’m taking Actionable Steps (under the radar) to make my mug appear on a newsstand one day. Is that a lofty goal? Sure. Is it what you want? Maybe, or maybe not. Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that each and every one us have a concept of what our ideal lives should be like and as long as you take actionable steps toward that, then you’re on your way.
Another quip from my personal life, is that I know that I enjoy balling out. Am I where I want to be exactly? No. Am I getting there? Yes. I enjoy the finer things in life and my ideal life consists of one of high luxury. That’s what makes me tick. Unfortunately for my concept of my ideal life, it also requires much more work and concentrated effort to achieve than the NYC lawyer who desires to live a modest life in a tropical paradise, but the soul wants what the soul wants.
Once you know what turns your crank, then start making your goals in line with that ideal life. I’ve made many sacrifices today, so I can achieve my ideal life tomorrow. It isn’t always fun, but it’s the CHOICE that I’ve made. I can never bitch about the choices I’ve made and at the same time anything that I do that thwarts my goals, is a mistake of my OWN doing.
Claim your choices and be proud that you have the balls as a man to choose a certain lifestyle. Read closely: MOST people go through lives WISHING and HOPING that their life was different. I’m imploring of you do NOT be a part of those people. Be a part of the few who decide to take control of their lives and build their dreams out of ashes. You can thank me later.
#4. Find some quiet time ALONE and write down on a piece of paper what your ideal life looks like.
Note: When doing this important exercise, remove EVERYONE and ANYTHING from the equation, except for what YOU and YOU only want.
Here’s some people and things that may get in the way of you writing down what you TRULY want in an ideal life: Girlfriend, Wife, Kids, Job, Career, Financial responsibilities such as car payment, Condo payment, your family’s opinion of you, and friends opinions are a few of the main ones. We all have specific things/people who may hold us back and only you know what and who that is.
Write free-flowing and without censoring yourself.
Maybe you write down this:
-Sexy island girls
-Laid back lifestyle
-Not tied to material items
Now this isn’t my list at all, but I just wrote that down as an example.
Let’s say this list is very close to what YOU want out of life. I’m going to play Captain Obvious right now, but obviously living a life as a corporate lawyer working 80 hour weeks will make you miserable. Period. There’s no if’s and’s or but’s about it.
Examining the fictional list I created, lets make another observation: you don’t need much money to live that life.
A solid online income would allow you to live location independent while allowing you the freedom to enjoy your days fishing, reading and enjoying the local island women. Now that we know that, is it necessary for you to work 80 hours a week in NYC to live your ideal life? Fuck no.
What many people do not grasp is that our ‘destiny’ is in our hands more than we realize. Your ‘destiny’ is no more than what you decide today you’re going to do and tomorrow you start doing. Don’t think of your ‘destiny’ as something in the universe that has grabbed you by the throat and is leading you through life. Instead, realize that the CHOICES you make every damn day adds up to your ‘destiny’ and that based on the choices you make, you are creating your own ‘destiny‘.
#3. Realize that fear is false.
Fear is doubt slapping us in the face and spewing out self-doubt, self-hatred and every flaw we have and every mistake we’ve made. Fuck fear. Honestly, fuck fear. Say it out loud: Fuck fear.
Fear is what holds many people back from living the life they want to live, because of a few reasons, but here are the main ones.
-Fear of what society thinks
-Fear of what our family thinks of us
-Fear of not attaining the ‘American Dream’ and therefore being considered a strange weird failure by our friends
-Fear of women not seeing us in the light we want them to see us in
-Fear of not doing enough
-Fear of fucking fear
-Fear of the future
#2. What a man needs to do to start building the life they want to live, is make Actionable Goals in order to create that life.
Yes, CREATE. Nothing I’ve ever gotten done in my life has been from sitting on my couch and dreaming about it. Everything I’ve ever gotten done in my life is from making Actionable Goals and then putting for real concentrated effort to achieve those specific goals.
Continuing to use the hypothetical list I’ve created, one who desires that lifestyle would then decide to do the following in theory to start living that life:
-Research where they could live on a modest income that has the environment they desire
-Start an online business (if they’re a lawyer, there’s freelancing that can be done, as well as other ways to utilize the experience and degree online)
-Make a budget and plan to get out of any debt if they have any
-Cut back on any expenses that do not directly contribute to survival first and then the goal of leaving that career
-Make an actual deadline of when they will make the move. This is fucking paramount. When I moved to Los Angeles, I knew over a year BEFORE I moved on what date I would move from the Midwest to SoCal. I made a year plan including an exact budget of how much I needed to hit the ground running. I made the plan, executed it and hit my goal. This took time and effort, but it made my transition much smoother than just up and bouncing before I was financially ready.
This is just scratching the surface of an imagined career change and drastic move for the hypothetical lawyer from NYC who desires to fish and enjoy tropical paradise, but you get the point.
#1. Do NOT Have A Plan B
Now this may seem controversial, but pay attention to something I’ve said for years and I know to be true:
If you have a Plan B, then deep down inside, you’re okay with Plan A not working out.
You must go balls to the wall in implementing your new Actionable Goals and have a take no prisoners attitude. I’ve never met an extremely happy and successful person who was content with their initial plan not working.
Now this doesn’t mean that you might not have varying ROUTES to get to Plan A, but you must have Plan A be your driving force no matter what.
You must sacrifice and bleed for Plan A.
You must cut off any friends or family who get in the way of Plan A.
You must make succeeding at Plan A as important as breathing.
Fuck Plan B (unless it’s for the chick you fucked raw last night ha).
Failure is not an option. Living an average life is not an option. Living the life you TRULY want to live is the ONLY option.
Figure out what you want out of life my friend, and make today the first day of the rest of it.
Sick and tired of NOT knowing how to keep women around? Take control of your life by starting here.
Read More: Your Past Does Not Determine Your Future