The famous words spoken by Jesus on the cross, signified his feeling of abandonment from his heavenly Father, but how many young men reading this right now have thought, or said the same? Whether you believe in the Bible or not, it is of no consequence to gaining insight into becoming a man without a father.
There are scores of young men in the world who have been raised by single mothers and without any real male leadership and it’s a serious problem. Anyone that tells you that a boy being raised by just his mother is healthy and doesn’t affect him is an outright fool and I won’t even waste my time typing up a rebuttal. If you fall into the camp of having been raised without a real father figure, or you’re a mentor to young men, then keep reading.
“I don’t even know how to speak up for myself, because I don’t really have a father who would give me the confidence or advice.” -Eminem
First off, before I drop some tips to becoming a man without having had a father influence, let me be crystal clear about one thing: the lack of a father or father figure in your life is no excuse to sit in the corner and cry about how bad your life is. You must take ownership of destiny and take the right actions in order to become the best man you can be. Don’t let an absent father fuck up the rest of your life. Don’t let an absent father hold you back from making goals and attaining your dreams and fulfilling your vision. Don’t let an absent father turn you into a monster. Don’t let an absent father become the excuse that turns your promising life into a joke. Take control. And now here’s a few ways to do that…
“It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.” -Pope John XXIII
5. Claim Your Birthright
“Wait a minute Christian, how can I do that when I don’t even have one?” Good question and here’s how: by making your own birthright. Think about the word ‘birthright’. According to dictionary.com it means this: any right or privilege to which a person is entitled by birth.
Drop any idea of any physical assets being associated with a birthright, because as you can see, that’s not even the definition. I didn’t get anything when I was born besides a meal and some milk and I can guarantee that I won’t be left anything when my father passes, but that is okay.
You want to know what your right and privilege is?
You have the right to live more abundantly. If you’ve been born of sound mind and body, then you’re already blessed with the tools necessary to become successful and live happy. Will it be hard? Yes. Will it come easy? Probably not. Will you become the best version of yourself with work and discipline? You can.
You have the privilege of reading this right now. “Wow Christian, I knew you had an ego, but damn, really?” Hold up. I’m not saying that from a place of ego, what I’m saying is that you’ve found this one site on the internet and you have found yourself reading this particular article and for that you’re already at an advantage over the other young men who haven’t or who may never read it. Read, apply and pass it on.
You have the right to take control of your destiny. As aforementioned, if you’ve been born of sound mind and body, then you have everything you need right now this very moment to take control of your life. Would it be easier if your father was a famous senator and you had a trust fund? Probably, but that may not be the case, so stop fucking comparing your childhood to others and start prepping today to make your future better tomorrow.
4. Get An Adult Male Mentor
I’m being specific on saying a ‘male’ mentor, because there’s some things that only a man can teach you. Don’t believe the lies that society tells you in school that women are interchangeable with men and there’s no difference. It’s complete and utter bullshit. Find yourself a male mentor who has the following characteristics:
1. Older than you. He doesn’t have to be 50 years old, but find a man who’s lived some life.
2. Successful in business. No exceptions. Want to be a loser? Learn from losers. Want to be successful? Learn from those who are successful with not only business, but in all areas of life to a certain degree.
3. Self-made. Are you going to take advice from a man who’s been handed everything they want in life without lifting a finger? What value will he really give you? Find a mentor who is self-made and who’s been through some real life. That is someone who can teach you what to do when you have literally no one to count on and don’t know where your next meal is coming from. Real begets real.
4. Offer something. Every mentor I’ve ever had was a man who I brought something to the table. When I was broke, I offered to clean the offices, mow their lawn, or clean their cars in exchange for advice. When I had a little money, I would buy them a drink for their time. When I got even more money, I would cover the restaurant tab and bring pretty girls along for the evening. The point is, to not expect something for nothing. Any mentor worth his salt will break this down for you in the beginning.
Remember, even if you don’t have a dime to your name, you still have yourself. Be a young man of service and busy, successful men who may become your mentors will take notice of you. Especially in this current day when many young people act like entitled brats. You’ll stand out if you’re respectful, have manners, act appreciative and actually listen and apply their advice.
3. Read Biographies Of Great Men
Now this might seem petty, but if you have literally ZERO connections, no money and are not in a good environment at all, then do what I did as a child: got to the library and check out some books for FREE. Last time I checked the library is free (although watch your late fines) and get some biographies of great men. Based on what field you’re interested in, let’s say computers, then read Steve Jobs biography. Into acting? Read Marlon Brando’s biography. His is excellent because although he had a father, their relationship was quite strained.
Reading these books will do two things for you:
1. It’ll show you that many great men had strained relationships with their father, or didn’t have one around at all. Knowing that you’re not the only one and that you two can be great will help you get your mindset right.
2. You’ll be getting great real applicable advice from men who are pillars in their respective fields. It’s about as close to having them as an actual mentor. I used to and still do occasionally when my schedule permits, read and re-read biographies of great men and absorb as much as I could. It will give you hope. It will give you direction. It will show you that you can still make it, despite the lack of a father.
2. Your Birth Father Doesn’t Have To Be Your Father Figure
Let’s say that your real father is in prison, or drifts in and out of your life so infrequently that he might as well not be around. That’s fine—don’t make him your father figure. Do Step #4 and find a mentor regardless who may become a father figure of sorts to you. Trying to depend on a flaky person who through blood may be your father, but in spirit is like a leper, is a waste of your time. This is part of becoming a man. Realizing that you have to take control of your life and make what you want out of it.
If he’s undependable, then don’t depend on him. If he’s a liar, then don’t trust him. If he’s a lazy broke fuck, then don’t take business advice from him. Let’s keep it real: most fathers do their best (in theory), but there’s a lot of shitty fathers out there. If you have a good one, then be thankful and bless him every day, because it’s quickly becoming not the norm here in the States.
The world needs better fathers and true masculine leadership starts at the home, branches out into the neighborhood and culminates in a country that is productive and conducive to prosperity in which men are treated like men and women act like women and children know their place and are respectful and a blessing to their parents, instead of a curse and bringing shame upon their families. If you’re a good father and you’re reading this, then I commend you with every ounce of respect in my body and I mean that sincerely.
1. Get A Spiritual Father
Now before you start throwing soda cans at your computer screen, I never said get religious. What I am saying, is that having a belief in a higher power will help guide you through tough times. While Christianity has done an excellent job of putting forth the message of a “heavenly Father”, I’m not here to preach or teach you one way or the other. I’m here simply to tell you that getting a spiritual higher being that you can pray to and spend time meditating on will center you unlike anything else. Follow your instinct and gut. There are fakers and charlatans out there who will try to lead you astray, but be smart and do your homework.
I can only speak for myself and when shit hit the fan, just knowing I had a higher being I could say a silent prayer to, kept me sane and I’m still here, so perhaps there was ‘someone’ watching over me.
I’m aware this article barely scratches the surface of this deep issue, but perhaps it will help you get on the right track. I really want today’s young men to turn into great leaders tomorrow. I honestly and truly believe that the only way this world will turn around from it’s tailspin into a fallen Rome, is if men take the helm and become the leaders that we should all be. Instead of tearing each other down, let’s remember that when men bind together and put forth effort, worlds change and mountains are moved. Never underestimate the power of unity among men.
Become the best version of yourself right now. No more excuses. Go here.
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