The dreaded monstrous headache that takes over your mind and ruins the following day after a night of debauchery and fresh pussy.
If there’s one thing I know, it’s hangovers.
Countless times I’ve ‘ended’ the night at Vegas Rhino stripclub with a stripper on one arm and a bottle cradled like a newborn in the other. Those were classic nights of fun and also, a hangover.
On AVERAGE I drink at least 20 drinks on a night out. That’s not a typo.
TWENTY vodka-tonics with 2 limes and that’s not including a few shots thrown in here and there. What does that add up to? A liver who I have to give sporadic breaks from drinking and extreme insight into the fact, that MOST men don’t drink this much.
If my hangover remedy works for me, rest assured it’ll work for you.
What I also know, is how to get over one. Working and playing in nightlife for the better part of a decade will give you a big fat dose of hangovers, IF you don’t know how to get over them and fast.
Without further ado gents, I’m giving you into a glimpse of my Secret Archives of Knowledge. Never before have I revealed my hangover cure, but today is the day.
Never again will you have to wake up with a throbbing head, aching joints and a lost day of productivity, IF you follow McQueen’s Hangover Cure to a T.
McQueen’s Hangover Cure
1. Before you start crackin open vodka bottles and chugging, take ibuprofen. Depending on YOUR weight, use as directed. For myself, I take 4 tablets. This is my first step of prevention. I take the off-brand, but it works.
Disclaimer: I am NOT a doctor. Use at your own risk and always follow the instructions.
2. Drink 2 bottles of water. I drink this:
3. Stick to ONE type of alcohol. I strongly recommend that you stick to CLEAR liquors. There’s 2 reasons why:
-It’s healthier. A Vodka Tonic, or Gin & Tonic has the least amount of calories in a mixed drink which keeps your abs in check.
-The aforementioned drinks have much much less sugar, then say a vodka cranberry, which is LOADED with sugar and which adds to the hangover intensity. Dark liquors are an absolute bitch, not only for calories, but for hangovers. As a simple rule, use this: Stick To Clear.
The Morning After
You wake up and you have a slight hangover. It would be worse, but you followed the previous steps so it’s not nearly as bad. Sometimes just based on the steps I provided I won’t have a hangover, but let’s say worse case scenario.
4. Eat a slice of BURNED toast. Yep. Did you know the charcoal in the burned toast is no different then if you were checked into the hospital for alcohol poisoning? They pump your stomach with a potent carbon slurry which neutralizes the alcohol. The burnt toast is obviously a milder version, but it works!
5. Make a glass of juice: Hangover Juice For Gents
Here’s what you do:
- 1/2 bunch spinach
- 1 green apple
- 2 kiwis, skin peeled
- 5 stalks asparagus
- 1 small tomato
- 1 small lemon
- 1/2″ ginger
- Run all ingredients through your juicer, removing the skin and ends from the kiwi first.
- Drink! Hangover be damned.
Now that might sound disgusting, but first off, it’s not that bad and secondly, when your hangover has vanished and you can be productive, you won’t give two fucks if it wasn’t exactly to your liking. Better to gulp down the juice, then spend the day in the fetal position.
Here’s exactly WHY those ingredients make you feel better:
- Ginger relieves your nausea and stops your indigestion.
- Apples = Energy! The water content in the apple helps hydrate you and it’s also packed with vitamins.
- Kiwi and spinach are packed with potassium, which is drained out of your body after a night of drinking.
- Tomatoes contain lycopene, which reduces inflammation.
- Asparagus boosts levels of enzymes that break down all the alcohol you gulped down the night before.
- Lemon soothes your stomach and adds vitamin C to the mix which helps recovery.
There you have it Gentlemen, the Playboy’s Guide To Getting Rid of Hangovers. Now you can have a great time at night and not be worried about losing the next day. Try it out and see for yourself.
Till next time, work hard and party hard friends, I’m out.
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