Never has the term ‘fake it till you make it’ worked better, then with game. Guys constantly ask me, “How do you get confidence?”
Irrational self-confidence could be defined as cocky, but with a dash of playfulness.
Too cocky and you come across as a try-hard who is overcompensating.
Too demure and you can come across as a man who lacks confidence and boldness.
Looking back at some of my earlier success, before I even knew what game was, can be summed up by being irrationally self-confident.
I had a childlike belief that I was special, simply because I existed. Note, that this wasn’t a sense of self-entitlement, but an almost innocent belief that I would be great one day.
The first moment this hit me specifically was when I attended a Dave Matthews concert in Milwaukee, Wisconsin at 18 years old. I made the drive from Chicago with my then girlfriend at the time and as we were walking to our seats in the grass (too broke to get better seats ha), I had an out of body experience where I could ‘hear’ the crowd chanting my name. There was thousands of people there and no, I wasn’t on drugs or drinking. Obviously, the crowd wasn’t chanting my name, but the experience lasted around 30-40 seconds. I knew at that moment I would be known by people around the world one day. I wasn’t thirsty for fame, nor did I have a clue how or when it would happen, but I knew it would. It was a gut reaction and instinct that has never left me.
Another experience I had, was when I was sitting in an I-Hop restaurant on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood, California. I was having lunch with a friend of mine and an older lady, around 60 years old, who I had never seen before, approached me. “Excuse me son, I don’t mean to interrupt your meal, but I had to tell you that you will be world famous one day. I know this sounds weird and I don’t know you, but I felt I needed to tell you. Have a good day”. I looked at my buddy shell-shocked.
These types of experiences have happened to me over and over, even with some major celebrities, to the point that there were too many variables for it to not have some sort of deeper meaning. If it was just one crazy dude on the sidewalk one late night, I wouldn’t think shit of it. While I’m not world-famous at the moment, I’m not even 30yo and just really getting started. The point is, is that these experiences coupled with my child-like belief in that I am special, birthed irrational self-confidence, which in turn was a major help with women before I even knew what game was.
Everything that I just wrote about wasn’t to talk about myself and go on and on, but instead to share how my irrational self-confidence got started.
Now, of course you’re wondering, “How do I get irrational self-confidence and how can it help me get laid?”, and I’m about to break it down.
The first step to faking confidence until it becomes real, is to correct your negative self-talk.
I’ve NEVER met a confident person who spoke negatively about themselves, whether out loud, or with their thoughts. What you speak with your mouth is a manifestation of how you feel inside. If you feel like shit inside, you’ll talk shit about yourself. If you feel that you’re the mutherfuckin man inside, then you’ll manifest that on the outside verbally, physically and through your energy that you put out. Your energy in turn, is picked up by everyone around you and they will be drawn to you, or not, depending if your energy is positive and confident.
Replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk will help you correct this issue.
Recently I was on a Get Girls In Vegas trip with a client and he made a humorous remark, but it had “I’m such a loser”, in the statement. I immediately pointed out that he was not a loser and that speaking negative statements like that would only cause his self-esteem to suffer even more.
Never make those comments. While you can self-analyse your current situation in life, you can do so pragmatically and with logic, not emotion. Putting yourself down, calling yourself names and thinking ill of yourself will only send you down the rabbit hole.
See the change.
The second step to faking confidence until it becomes real, is to vocalize what you can do (whether you’ve done it or not).
Here’s what I mean:
You’re with a girl and you’re watching TV. You flip through the channels and on ESPN X Games are on and it’s dirt bike racing. While you may have never been on a dirt bike, you just know you could do what the bikers are doing. Casually say, “I could do that”. It’s not a boast, it’s not a lie (because you actually might if you tried!) and it is a positive statement. I used to do this CONSTANTLY when I was younger, but not in an annoying way. Girls loved it. They love confident men and men who are bold.
Now that’s a simple example, but it’s an important one.
You have to reprogram your mind from a “I Can’t” mindset into a “I Can” way of life.
Remember the slogan that President Obama’s team came up with when he initially ran for office? “Yes We Can!” was the mantra. It worked. Against many odds. While this post isn’t a debate on his presidency, the point is that his political team was brilliant to choose a slogan for their supporters to chant because it breeds an “I Can” attitude which is positive.h
Turn your “I Can’t” into a “I Can”. Starting right now.
The third step to faking confidence until it becomes real, is to get out of your comfort zone.
This requires you to talk to strangers, everyone in fact. Once you get used to talking to everyone, it becomes second nature to approach hot girls, because you’ve made it a habit to engage everyone around you.
The next level up, is for you to not just make small talk, but lead the conversation through compliments and witty banter.
One of my favorite things to do, is approach a random older lady, say a checkout cashier at CVS and ‘flirt’ with her. Now obviously, I’m not into her, but it makes her day and I get amusement out of it. This playfulness carries from the old lady cashier into your date and out to the club.
You’re essentially making the world your amusement park through charm and playfulness.
This in turn, boosts your confidence because you will learn that MOST people are shy or not used to talking to strangers. When you engage them, you’ll actually be the ‘confident’ one in the interaction and the result will be you will gain more confidence.
This is Part 1: How Irrational Self-Confidence Can Get You Laid and Part 2 will be out next week, but my challenge to you this weekend is to push yourself to interact with everyone, and let yourself be cocky. Even if you’re ‘overdoing’ the cockiness at first, this is a process and the end result will be more confidence for you, so do it.
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