As promised here is part 2 of this series. Read Part 1 here.
The fourth step to faking confidence until it becomes real, is to adopt confident body language.
I cannot stress this 4th step enough.
How you carry yourself physically translates in not only your communication to others, but how you feel about yourself.
It’s no different than when you put on a power suit and walk into a room. Notice how people stop to look? Notice how service industry workers are more attentive to your needs?
It’s because you’re projecting a confident image and commanding respect.
I wrote about posture here, but here’s also 3 more tips to help you adopt better body language.
1. Study films with male actors who have confident body language. I posted a list on another blog post here to get you started.
2. A simple trick for improving your posture is to imagine an invisible thread attached to the crown of your head, just above your spine. Let it gently pull you upward as your arms hang relaxed at your sides. Bring your shoulders back until your deltoids are in line with your collar bone, but not too far back. You don’t want to go from “confident” to “pushing your chest out” or squeezing your shoulder blades together. Don’t hunch your shoulders up around your ears or let your head pitch forward; you end up looking goofy, like you’re trying to do an imitation of a vulture. Position your feet so that they’re roughly shoulder-width apart and keep your weight distributed evenly between them.
3. Walk with your head up. When you’re walking on the sidewalk, do people walking towards you automatically step to the side, or are you invisible to them? The Sidewalk Test is a great way to see if you’re projecting confident and dominating body language. I have a whole series based on body language and will go more into this later, but get started on it now if your body language suffers.
The fifth step to faking confidence until it becomes real, is to dress for respect.
Note, I didn’t say dress for success, but dress for respect.
If you want to be respected then update your wardrobe. You don’t have to break the bank, because I already broke down how to revamp your closet on the cheap here, but it’s a fact: people judge others off their initial impression and their initial impression is largely based off of your body language and your outfit.
This doesn’t mean you have to wear a suit to your nephew’s high school football game, but it means dress like a playboy and get playboy love. Dress like a bum and get meth-head love. Dress for what you want. Save the hockey jerseys for the games. You’re not Kevin Smith (unless you’re reading this Kevin), and let’s keep it real: while I like his films, he doesn’t have a style.
The sixth step to faking confidence until it becomes real, is to slow down your speech and speak up.
One of my pet peeves is men who speak like they don’t want to be heard. I had a teacher in college who would tell students, “If you want to be heard, then speak up!”. If a student asked a question and the whole room couldn’t hear it, he would have them approach the podium and shout the question until they got the point.
Some thought this was excessive.
I cheered the action.
Then again I speak to be fucking heard, so I never had to do that in front of the class.
Speak with authority, not too loud, but loud enough so that people can hear you. If you’re having trouble in clubs with girls hearing you, perhaps you need to speak up.
The timid do NOT inherit the nightlife scene.
The other major aspect is sloooooowwwwwww down your speech.
I see this issue a lot with men speaking quickly as though they need to hurry up and get it out before they get cut off.
Here’s the problems with that:
1. A man who has to rush what he wants to say, is basically saying unspoken, but through his speech pattern, that what he has to say must not be that important if he has to get it out quick before he’s interrupted.
2. Have you ever heard a confident man in a film or real life speak like a little girl? Hurried, full of emotion and exasperated? No.
Here’s some tips to slow your speech down:
-Take 3-5 seconds to THINK about what you’re going to say when responding to someone. This will help you articulate yourself better and when you speak it won’t be wasted words. In fact, I just had a good idea: someone email me so I don’t forget, but I’ll do a podcast on how to do this, so you gents can hear the actual difference etc.
-Articulate your words. Speak with clarity so that each word has it’s full power. When necessary ‘punch’ your words, meaning emphasize the end of the word.
-Use silence as a tool. I could write an entire e-book on the power of silence when communicating with people and especially gaming girls. It’s that effective. Not every question requires an answer and an effective smirk and silence can destroy the hardest shit test.
-Watch Godfather Part 2. Then watch it again. Pay attention to Al Pacino’s character and how he speaks. This is what I’m talking about: measured, powerful and authoritative.
Next week in Part 3 of this series, I’ll breakdown more steps for your success. If it doesn’t seem like these steps will help you get laid, trust me they will, this series is like a ladder I’m taking you up and when it’s complete you’ll see the connections.
Have a great 4th of July weekend gents and if you haven’t yet, pick up my book bundle on SALE for the next 24hours for over $35 OFF!
Alright, time to get this weekend started and get me a damn drink.
I’m out gents!
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