How To Control Your Emotions With Women

Let’s keep it real gents, what is the number one way we as men tend to fuck up interactions with women? By not having a handle on our emotions. Whether it’s being nervous when approaching that sexy filly at the hotel bar, having a girl reject you in front of your buddies, or getting dumped, men who allow their emotions to rule their actions, will be in for a rough ride when dealing with the roller-coaster behavior of women.

When I was a young buck, I struggled with controlling my emotions. Emotions create memories and I can tell you my friend, I have some horrific memories of not handling my emotions with girls. Allow me to warn you now, to NOT to make the same mistakes and to learn from me.

For simplicity sake, emotions come in two forms: Positive and Negative. When people think about controlling their emotions, they generally think about controlling negative emotions, but learning how to control positive emotions is just as important.

Positive Emotions

-You approached a girl in your local Whole Foods and she responded to your game. She gave you her number and you have plans to grab a drink in a couple days. You’re feeling pretty damn good. All of the game books you’ve read and all of the in the trenches practice you’ve put in actually paid off! Should you freak out and skip out of the store elated at your success? No.

The proper response, would be to give her a small smile and resume your shopping. If you want to have freak out when you get home of joy, then do so, but have your emotions under control that you can actually wait to do so.

-You just had the best sex of your life with the aforementioned Whole Foods girl and you’re lying on your bed feeling on top of the world. Do you roll over, kiss her and tell her “that was the best sex of my life! I’m so happy right now. I never though I could find a girl who would make me feel that way”? Hell no.

You give her a small kiss on the forehead saying nothing. Her imagination will do the rest: ‘does he like me?’, ‘did he think the sex was good?’ etc.

Here’s something a player in development must understand: Women are NOT attracted to men who are controlled by their emotions. Period.

If you allow yourself to go to either extreme, then you have to put yourself in check. Less is more. There’s a legitimate reason why women are attracted to the ‘strong, silent type’. This doesn’t mean you have to be stone cold and have ice water running through your veins, but instead learn to reserve your reaction until AFTER you have had time to process the situation. Taking an extra few seconds or minutes can be the difference between being a man in control, or an out of control beta bitch boy.

The other reason is that emotions cloud your judgement. When you feel like you’re ‘in love’, then are you the most rational? Do you ignore blatant red flags that she’s giving off because you’re so ‘intoxicated’ on her ‘love’? Learning to control your emotions and approach relationships pragmatically, is not only part of the red pill, but also key to saving you from unnecessary emotional pain.

I cannot tell you how many highs and lows it took for me when dealing with women, before I got a handle on my emotions. One day, I decided, that I must be the master of my ship; not a girl. When I decided that, you cannot believe the peace that came over me. No longer would I be a puppy dog chasing that ‘high’ around, but instead focused on my happiness solely. If a girl can compliment my life than great, but if not, it’s no sweat off my nose.

Negative Emotions

This is the part of emotions that most of us can identify with. That heart-wrenching feeling of getting dumped out of ‘nowhere’, the ultimate rejection after you’ve done everything in the relationship you thought you should have and what society told you to do, can be catastrophic to your life. There’s men in prison right this very second because they could not control their emotions in a breakup. Don’t be that guy.

Hear me loud and clear: Women are NOT attracted to men that they can control. Period. If they know that their words and actions have enough of an impact to send you into a depression or even into a jubilant state, than you are fucked.

You must get a grip on yourself and allow yourself to be a ‘Mountain Man’: A man who will not be moved by a woman’s actions and emotional outbursts. 

The best way to deal with a girl throwing a fit, is simply to treat them like you would a child.

Do not be moved, do not shout, do not grovel, do not plead, do not negotiate: You are the leader and she has to know that she can toss to and fro emotionally and that you are a rock. You want women to act more effeminate? Then start acting like a man. When she feels ‘safe’ that she can have her highs and lows and you’re not going to run down the rabbit hole with her, then she will calm down and correct her behavior.

Here’s a scenario  of what NOT to do and what TO do when dealing with negative emotions as a man.

-You are driving home from the gym after a great day at the office closing an important deal and an intense workout. Your blood is pumping, your muscles are tight and you have that after-workout pump. In essence, you feel damn good.  You get a call out from the girl that you just became exclusive with and she is crying. You can’t really make out what she’s saying because of her emotional outbursts. She finally clears her throat and tells you, “I can’t be with you anymore. It’s not going to work and I’d like for you to give me space”.

Your heart starts pounding and that familiar icy cold grip on your chest tightens like a boa constrictor around it’s prey. You can hardly breathe. The adrenaline causes you to accelerate faster pushing the gas pedal down and weaving through traffic. “If only I can get to her house quick and talk to her then she’ll change her mind”, you think. Blinded by the sense of betrayal you feel, you are clueless to the toddler who runs into the street to retrieve his ball. You hear the thump before you screech to a stop. You step out of your car and there’s a blood streak on the pavement and your heart drops once again. Twenty-five years later you’re released from prison and you barely remember the woman’s name who caused your demise.

HOLD UP!

Is this an extreme example? Yes. But it can happen.

Let’s look at how you should respond instead, by having control of your emotions.

You put the phone in the passenger seat, because YOUR life is more important than this petty bullshit. You take 10 deep breaths and look for the nearest exit to pull off and regain your composure. Your now ex-girlfriend is still prattling in the phone, oblivious to your emotional pain, but it doesn’t matter, you’ve got both hands on the steering wheel and are focused on the road.

You pull off at gas station and put the car in park. You take another deep breath and look at yourself in the flip-down visor mirror. You look deep into your eyes and remember McQueen’s articles about affirmations and knowing your worth. You silently speak one encouraging YOURSELF. You smile for a moment and you already feel slightly better.

You pick up the phone and your now ex girlfriend continues to prattle. You cut in, “Doll…you beat me to it. It’s not working. Take care”. Click. You hit the ‘END CALL’ button FIRST keeping you in control and you breathe a sigh of relief. You thumb through your contacts and notice another cute girl’s number you just got a couple days ago at your local Hooters. Michelle is a sexy 22 year old college student with a big smile and even bigger boobs. You call her and her cheery voice answers. A date is planned…just like that.

Now what result do you want?

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To recap:

-Always put yourself first: don’t worry about her fits, her tantrums and her explosive behavior. Realize that your safety and well being are paramount over everything and remove yourself from the situation first before it escalates.

-Take 10 deep breaths BEFORE reacting. I can guarantee that it will center you and send oxygen to your brain which will help you think more clearly and rationally.

-Realize that NO GIRL is worth risking your life over. The baddest chick you can imagine with the longest legs, the best breasts and who gives blowjobs like a Hoover vacuum is NOT worth flipping out over and getting yourself into a situation with no escape.

-Realize that by being a ‘Mountain Man’, you are a Man In Control and women are attracted to men in control.

-Realize that allowing a woman to control your emotions you become unattractive to women and they will quickly lose respect for you when you operate like a beta bitch boy.

-Realize that those two balls swinging between your legs are what separates you from women and that you will not react like a screaming housewife, but instead will act like a Leader and a Man With A Plan. You can fucking do this, you can control your emotions and you can be a damn rock who won’t be swayed by nagging, tantrums, outbursts and idiotic behavior by a woman.

I understand that as men emotions are very powerful natural urges that can seemingly overpower us, but a real man and a player in development, must learn to control his emotions and not allow emotions to control him. You will be happier, have more peace and be more successful with women if you get a handle on this now and not before it’s too late.

Like what you read? Read more here.

Read More: 10 Things I learned From 10 Years In The Game

27 Replies to “How To Control Your Emotions With Women”

  1. The truth has been spoken.. Every time I’ve dropped down to the yankering of a girl saying stuff to me ,I ve only had pain and emotional distress in the store for me.. And when I stood up and started reacting keeping my emotions on the sideline, the girl would just shut up and listen..

    It all makes sense now!!!

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  2. I used to think that being in the beta mangina sensitive mode of identifying with and being swayed by emotions was somehow the best/right way, likely because of years of childhood/adolescent Disney/ media programming telling me that that’s how you get the girl and be the “right guy”. Now I realize how deceived I was and how much happier I am at a baseline level as I have come into masculine control of my emotions and am more like a towering, firmly rooted tree than a dandelion seed being carried by the whims of the wind. It’s night and day how much better I feel every day being grounded within myself, so I can attest that the approach Christian has laid out here is money.

    I can’t recommend highly enough to every man here to read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It’s a book precisely about this, about practicing an “observer” mindset to your emotions and thus becoming liberated of your reflex to give in to and act on your emotions, instead becoming a man in complete control. Book revolutionized my life.

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  3. Ah Christian, as a man who is more than 1/2 again older than you, allow me to tell you that you are FAR wiser than your 29 years! I really enjoy and look forward to all your articles. Keep up the good work brother and whenever you’re in NYC – the 1st rounds on me

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    1. Rare is the combination of real world wisdom and the ability to express it.

      Christian consistently has articles that are well written and worth re-reading to keep the message fresh in your mind.

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  4. You pick up the phone and your now ex girlfriend continues to prattle. You cut in, “Doll…you beat me to it. It’s not working. Take care”. Click. You hit the ‘END CALL’ button FIRST keeping you in control and you breathe a sigh of relief. You thumb through your contacts and notice another cute girl’s number you just got a couple days ago at your local Hooters. Michelle is a sexy 22 year old college student with a big smile and even bigger boobs. You call her and her cheery voice answers. A date is planned…just like that.

    the hidden gem embedded in McQueen’s message for today: Always Be Gaming

    It’ll give you options in case shit hits the fan

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  5. McQueen, I like how you mentioned the need for controlling positive emotions as well. Most people/self-improvement coaches only prattle on about dealing with negative emotions.

    I’m on the path to mastering my emotions and I keep getting better at it. Let my share a few tips on what’s helped me so far.

    – No one owes you shit. Don’t be dependent on/attached to people or outcomes. The more attached you are, the harder you go down if someone rejects you, stops being your friend, breaks up with you etc.

    – Don’t take people’s remarks so personally. It can apply to both positive and negative remarks. Not every positive remark is out of sincerity and not every negative remark is out of malicious intent. The things people say or the way they react at a given moment will differ due to their mood, prejudices, mentality, cognitive biases etc.
    When you see how mutable people are, it seems petty to feel easily slighted by someone’s ‘tone’ or what they said. Keep your ship steady.

    – Embrace stoicism. We are in a day and age when masculinity is declining and most men have become faggots who have been brainwashed into thinking that they ‘want to hold hands and talk about feeeeeeeeeeeeelings’. There is pride and virtue in having discipline over your emotional state. It takes effort. This is something women and manginas can never understand or achieve.
    Being a man is tough, being a leader is tougher. I would rather put in the effort now to be in control of myself and reap the rewards later rather than live a sedentary life now just to get pussy-whipped by an old hag/cheating cunt/prude in the future.

    – Finally, a girl may be very attractive but she isn’t worth more than you. Its pathetic to think thoughts like ‘OMG she smiled at me! Is this a fantasy?! I’m soooo happy!!!’ in contrast to ‘Damn right she smiled at me, my vibe is off the charts!’ People can’t hear your thoughts, but they can see your actions and eventually, your thoughts become your actions.

    I know this comment is long as fuck, but trust me, these things helped. Big time. And I’m certain they’ll help anyone who applies this.

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    1. That’s MY article. It was previously on ROK and now they are being posted on my blog after we took them off ROK. Look at the bottom of the RVF article, says it’s an excerpt from my book.

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      1. ah i was wondering why i hadn’t seen your name on any posts at rok in a long while Christian. hope its not because of bad blood or anything like that?

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