The other night I rolled out solo. I haven’t rolled out solo in quite some time, between coaching clients, or rolling with my Rat Pack. I wasn’t solo the entire night, but for the first 3 hours I was and after having not rolled solo for quite sometime, I made some new observations.
In between sipping on my vodka-tonic double and flirting with girls, I took some notes in my phone. Here they are.
#5. Embrace The ‘Awkwardness’
Even after over a decade of nightlife experience, even I will sometimes get a slight awkward feeling being out solo. This slight nagging sensation hit me ever so slightly as I posted up at a bar at a new Hollywood hot spot. The moment the feeling hit me, I knew what it was, but haven’t had it in years. The good news was I knew exactly what to do to remove it and allow myself to return to normal. Here’s what I did:
-I embraced the awkwardness. I felt awkward, because I FELT that people were perceiving me differently because I was ‘alone’. In reality, people could give two fucks about you to that extent, but a person’s imagination can go into overdrive when we feel like we’re being judged. I established WHY I was feeling awkward, and then I chose to relax. I took a deep breath and allowed myself to just be. I became present again. It’s very hard to be present when you’re in your mind concerned with what others think of you.
-In order to have friends, one must show themselves friendly. Two non-attractive, but friendly girls were standing beside me at the bar trying to order drinks. In typical Hollywood fashion the bartender continued to skip over them. I have a rapport at this venue and asked the girls what was wrong. They were becoming slightly upset, not mad, but clearly embarrassed. I motioned the bartender over and asked her to serve the two girls. She obliged and the girls expressed their thanks repeatedly. I wasn’t trying to bed the girls. I wasn’t trying to be a nice guy. I simply used my ‘power’ for good. I chatted with them for a couple of moments on mindless subjects, before excusing myself. The little bit of energy that I used to make their day much better, in fact, fueled me to relax.
#4. Rolling Solo Can Help You Stand Out In A Good Way
Unless you’re hunched over in the corner darting your eyes around like a nervous fuck, rolling solo can help establish which girls are DTF that night.
As I stood at the bar with my right elbow casually resting on the bar, with my back straight and surveying the room, the girls who I already had noticed as girls who were DTF, took notice of me. It’s so unusual to see a man who has confidence and is dressed well to be at a bar, or club solo, that when a girl notices him she already knows exactly why he is there. This subtle communication allows her imagination to kickstart with the possibilities of what may happen with you that night.
By me not being distracted by other friends, or even a wing, I was able to laser in on girls who were itching to meet a man. In fact, one of the girls I noticed watching me with curiosity became the girl who I later was flirting with, kissing and eventually getting her number.
#3. Embrace The Adventure Of The Unknown
Too many times rolling out with a wingman will cause a man to default to letting his buddy put in the work. Rolling solo literally forces you to open your mouth and meet women, or stand there all night until last call and leave empty handed. While that may sound intimidating, learn to embrace the adventure. It’s been quite some time since I felt that excitement of going out into the night alone and knowing no one besides some of the employees.
There’s a rush to it and if you embrace it, it will spark your adrenaline and provide some excitement in your night.
#2. Say Anything, Just Start Talking
Our minds work in a funny way. The longer we stand and stare at a pretty girl, the quicker our brains will make up excuses as to why we shouldn’t speak to her. You’re better off approaching a girl, opening your mouth and saying the first thing that comes to your mind, then never approaching.
The moment I felt back in the zone, was when I started flirting and gaming girls again. No matter how long I stood at the bar, although being relatively comfortable, I didn’t really get started until I made the approaches and started blabbing about God knows what. It’s not as hard as it looks to walk up to a girl and start chatting with her, but the ‘hard’ part is psyching ourselves out to believe that we shouldn’t.
Don’t hesitate next time you’re rolling solo. Embrace the rush, approach and open your mouth. You’ll see it’s not too bad and you might be pleasantly surprised at how she reacts.
#1. You’re Not As Bad As You Think
The fact that you’re reading this site, have read my books, and are approaching weekly, already puts you miles ahead of other guys. In my first hour of being solo, I only did one approach. Instead, I observed from the bar how men were interacting with other girls. They weren’t. I saw one guy approach a very attractive brunette, to which she gave him attention and seemed receptive. He was below average in looks, while this dame was a hard 9. The irony is, I didn’t see any other guys approach this girl the rest of that hour besides the one. Well, until I did, but you get my point.
Men tend to psych themselves out and think that the other men in the venue are better than themselves, but that’s simply not true. While there are varying degrees of men at the same venue who may be better looking, or worse looking than you, there are also varying degrees of confidence, but what generally holds a man back is himself and nothing else.
The game that I observe in men nowadays appears to be much worse than it was 5 years ago. They simply seem content staying in their ‘Bro Circle’ and gawking from a distance.
Next time you’re rolling out solo, give yourself a pat on the back before you walk into a venue, embrace the awkwardness, enjoy the adventure, and simply approach and open your mouth and say anything. You’ll already be ahead of the crowd.
Read More: 2 Lines To Use When Rolling Solo