New opportunities to succeed and yet potential for disappointments.
When you have disappointments, does it paralyze you?
I am familiar with disappointments.
I am familiar with failing.
The only difference is, that I haven’t allowed the disappointments to paralyze me forever.
One of my weaknesses that I had to work on and will always be a slight thorn in my side, is allowing a disappointment to paralyze me. Now obviously I don’t mean physically, but in the sense that it freezes me from moving forward.
A part of my personality is that I’m very hard on myself. I expect perfection from myself and when that is not attained I tend to get even harder on myself. The problem with that is, no one is perfect.
No man alive hasn’t been disappointed on some level, at a certain point in their life.
Disappointment is a part of life, however, how we react to that disappointment is in our power to control.
Disappointment with a woman? Check. I’ve had my share of those, until I figured out that expecting a dog to purr and a cat to bark is unrealistic. I shifted my unrealistic expectations while learning how to deal with women and am much happier and more successful with the opposite sex now.
Disappointment in business? Check. I’ve had my share of failed businesses, but despite the failures I learned from them and moved on with new knowledge that I didn’t have before. I’m pretty sure I have a Masters degree from the School of Hard Knocks.
Disappointment in myself? Check. Have you ever had those moments where you put your head in your hands and say to yourself, ‘What the fuck was I thinking? How did I fuck up this badly and am I really a complete idiot?’ I have. It happens. Men make mistakes. Women make mistakes. People are flawed.
Despite the disappointments, there is a simple ‘trick’ that I learned to use to move past the disappointment and continue on and I’ll share it with you now.
The key to moving past disappointment is to allow time to grieve, albeit for a day or two and then you have to keep it moving.
Sounds simple right?
The snag comes from allowing yourself to wallow in self-pity for a day or two, but then staying in that mournful state. What was just a simple weekend locked in your house pissed at the world, turns into walking into work on Monday still holding a grudge, still bearing a negative energy and in turn creating a negative loop from which it becomes harder to escape from.
The reason I allow for a day or two of grieving is because it’s a normal process that as a man it’s healthy to allow for a short time. It’s okay to feel down, depressed, or disheartened, but not if you allow it to overcome your mentality and create a new type of negative and self-defeated person.
If you allow yourself to stay on the grieving track then you are allowing your emotions to dictate your actions, which as we know, is behavior of women, not men.
A man is in control of his emotions and will allow the positive emotions to fuel action, while letting the negative emotions go.
The second part after grieving is to keep it moving. The moment you allow yourself to be stagnant is the moment that you ‘die’. The disappointment will only intensify and wrap ‘chains’ around you the longer you grieve. Grieve for a day or two, shut your phone off, disconnect and isolate yourself. Grieve, be pissed, be sad, but after you get it out of your system, move the fuck on.
The irony is that the longer you don’t keep it moving, you might just miss another opportunity. If you keep your head down too long you might just miss another door that opened for you.
You get disappointed. Could be you didn’t get that job promotion, or the sexy filly you’re dating wound up being a massive slut.
What do you do?
-Grieve for a day or two. Make a deadline. Say this happens on a Friday and it kills your vibe for the weekend. Decide that you’re going to spend the weekend alone, getting this shit resolved in your mind. Your deadline is Monday. On Monday you start fresh, letting the prior disappointment GO. You can do it through having control of your emotions and using mental fortitude.
-Keep it moving. After your grieving process, focus on something new. For example: Decide to focus on moving to a different company, so you put your focus on your resume and making a job move. Or, let’s say it’s the aforementioned girlfriend situation, then focus on getting 5 new numbers and getting a new lay. Whatever it might be, make another plan of attack and execute it. After a valley comes a mountain. Are you ready for it?
As you start this week regardless if you feel disappointed, depressed or dejected, give yourself some time to grieve, just a day or two, and then be the man you can be: focus on another goal, another task and keep it moving.
Disappointments are a part of life and are generally out of our control, but how you react to them will show if you’re just a boy or a man.
Get started on changing your life here.
Read More: Get Your Mind Right