“Dude, do you have a condom?!”


I was in awe. Her ass stared back at me like a glowing crystal ball enticing me to open it up and see my future.

So fucking round. So fucking brown.

“Baby this ass is fucking ridiculous. Pop it out more.” She threw me a coy smile over her shoulder, her dark eyes causing my erection to stiffen into a steel rod. Even the head got purple. This chick had the ‘juice’ to get me going bad.

We were in the public bathroom of a fancy hotel in Santa Monica, California and I had met her a few minutes prior on the penthouse level bar. I went direct, we clicked and I took her to the closest place possible to fuck since I did not have a room there and neither did she. The bathroom mirror started to steam up at our animalistic passion and I have never been more ready in my life to fuck a girl.

I rubbed the tip of my cock on her pussy. Her delicious looking waxed smooth brown pussy.

Fuck, I’m going to bust.

“Do you have a condom?”

You have got to be kidding me. This chick is asking for me to wear a condom and I do NOT have one. What the fuck??!!

“No. It’ll be fine. I’m clean.”

I started to rub the tip of my cock on her super smooth waxed brown pussy again.

“Stop. You have to wear a condom.”

Fuck my life in this very moment.

Then inspiration hit me…

Rewind In The Night

The details of earlier in the night are somewhat fuzzy because this was sometime ago (besides the bathroom portion), but I’ll recount it the best I can.

I was at a private cigar lounge in Beverly Hills hobnobbing with some older powerful men with too much money and not enough fun in their lives. I’m sitting there wondering what the combined net worth of the table is and the older cat beside me is showing me on his iPhone that he’s opening the gate to his driveway through some security app he has.

Gate opens. He laughs and takes a swig of his scotch, then a puff of a Cuban cigar. Yea, it’s not hard to get Cubans.

“Isn’t this the best?”, he says as I stare at him and wonder if he realizes the level of fuckery that he puts off with this stunt.

“Outfuckingstanding”, I replied. I take a swig of my vodka, then a puff of a Cuban cigar my buddy gave me. This fucker.

“No no wait, I’m going to do it again.” Then presses the button so the gate opens. I watch his enormous steel gate open on his iPhone. He laughs like Dave Chappelle is at our table giving us a private show. This fucker.

Around the 12th time of this fucker showing me how he can control his front gate with his phone, my buddy rolls in like a breath of fresh air. About fucking time.

We hobnob for a bit, then decide to hit up Santa Monica, specifically The Huntley Hotel, an oceanfront hotel known for its penthouse bar. Tons of tourist girls go there on the weekend and it’s setup in a way that lends itself to working the bar, without being blatantly obvious that we want pussy and are on the hunt.

“Aw honey don’t be mad please. My phone has been in my pocket and the button must have been pressed against my leg”.

Ole fucker pleads with his wife for mercy after she calls him bitching him out about their front gate opening and closing multiple times. Now it was time for me to laugh. And laugh I did. All that money and still controlled by a nagging bitch. Learn game for fucks sake!

My buddy and I leave after walking around the table and saying our goodbyes, then roll to the parking garage. He dips in his car and I dip in mine and we head to Santa Monica. This fool was driving like a convict running from the cops, so I let him race ahead and took my time. Cops in SoCal will fuck you up and I wasn’t about to get a DUI.

We arrive at a neighboring hotel because the valet was full at the Huntley, I toss the Valet a Jackson to park it in front and we roll over to the penthouse bar. The night is young, I’m feeling pretty good and combined with my buddy’s good energy, nothing could stop us. Or so we thought.


Outside of the Huntley Hotel

We order drinks and make a lap. The bar there is an oval shape with tables and couches along the walls, so essentially you can just walk in circles over and over until you meet someone. We meet some Russian girls and my buddy starts chopping it up with fluent Russian. I just smiled at the chick, wondering how can a girl be so nice in the States. They’re fun, but we can tell it’s not going anywhere so we continue walking in circles.

We approached and talked to many girls, some hot, some cute and as it got later, some not-so-cute. Hey, a player has to do what he has to do sometimes. I was horny as fuck and needed a girl ASAP.


The Penthouse Bar inside

I noticed a girl on the ‘dance floor’ (which is essentially the floor in front of the elevators), with a ridiculous bubble ass and best of all: she looked Latina and she was pretty damn cute. Alright now.

I approached her and dropped, “You know you can’t dance here, so I’m going to have to ask you to stop”. I threw in a wink and she laughed at my teasing and introduced herself. She was from Mexico City, I could tell she came from money and was there with I believe it was 3 or 4 girlfriends. Fuck. 

The first thing I look for when I roll through a joint, is girls in pairs. When it’s 3 or more girls, inevitably there will be some major cockblocking going on. Regardless, I usually do well with Latinas and it was getting late so I rolled with it. We chatted for a few minutes about shit I don’t even remember now, but I do know she was agreeable and vivacious. We ordered a shot, then headed down the elevator to have a smoke out by the valet.

The ole animal alpha instincts took over and I pulled her into a hallway on the lobby floor and started kissing her. She kissed back hard, wet and best of all, full of passion. I spotted the bathroom door and led her by the hand over to it. She went right along with it, so I knew it was on.

We made out, then I unbuckled her pants and bent her over the sink. That ass. What can I say, still one of the greatest asses I’ve seen in person.

Back To The Booty

“I really want to have sex, but you have to have a condom”. Even her voice was sexy. WTF?!

“I know alright just give me a second I’m thinking”.

Talk about a mood killer, but I fingered her as I contemplated my options.

I wasn’t in a kitchen, so I couldn’t pull the old college trick and wrap a Ziplock bag around my dick and use that in leu of a condom (true story).

This chick obviously wasn’t having it without one and I didn’t have time to convince her. We were in a public bathroom of a swanky hotel. Granted it was one staller, lock the door type, so no one could walk in, but still. The valet was 5 feet away from our door.

“I got it!” Inspiration had hit.

I called my wingman.

“Dude, do you have a condom?!”

“Yea bro. Why?”

” I need it now. Like ASAP. Can you bring it to me?”

“Where you at?”

“Lobby bathroom by valet. I’ll meet you in the lobby. Hurry man, this is serious.” I was tripping out because that so very brown and very round ass was beckoning me to play. I’ll be damned if I don’t smash this.

I tell her to wait 1 minute and I’ll be right back. She agrees.

I walk to the lobby my heart is racing, my shirt is half-unstuffed peeking out of my suit jacket split and I knew I had the look of a crazy-man in my eyes.

I will never forget this next moment for as long as I live.

I spot my buddy RUNNING, not walking, but RUNNING across the lobby to me, yelling “I got it!!!” holding a brightly wrapped condom high above his head with one hand.

Now that is a fucking wing-man.

People’s mouths dropped. I wanted to die laughing, but saved it for later. The ass was calling me.

I knocked on the bathroom door and she peeks out. Still here. Fuck yes, it’s on!

I ripped the condom open faster than a 5 year old opening presents on Christmas morning and wrapped my cock. I bent her back over the sink and savored the moment before starting to rub the tip of my cock on her pussy.


The pounding on the door made us both jump. Somebody was banging on the bathroom door. Please no, this cannot be happening.

Sounds of Spanish come through the door and she realizes it’s her fucking friends. What in the actual fuck. There is a fucking conspiracy.

She rattles back and sidebar, how come people when they speak a foreign language sound like they’re talking much faster? Anyways she rattles back some Spanish and I caught absolutely known of it.

“Papi I have to go…”

“Like hell you do.” I kiss her and she melts. I bend her back over the sink and am literally at the door of her pussy about to shove it in and the most annoying sound in the world rocks my world.


Fuck! Her devil friends are back! More rapid Spanish from the other side. Zip! Her pants fly up, she straightens her hair and tells me she has to go, she’s so sorry, she’s leaving the next day back to Mexico City and she thinks I’m “muy guapo” and that’s it. What in the actual fuck just happened?

I was cockblocked at the last fucking minute.

I walked outside of the bathroom after a couple of moments looking like I just received news of a family member dying. It was close. My cock just died from disappointment.

I lit up a smoke and ranted to my buddy. He laughed and I thanked him for being so clutch. HE came through, but HER friends cockblocked.

To this day I sometimes wonder what happened to that perfect ass. I was denied, but whoever got access to that ass is a lucky bastard and I hope she dumps him. Kidding. Kind of.

Moral of the story is, is that no matter what you do sometimes, no matter how tight your game is, no matter how many approaches you do, no matter how ‘ON’ you are some nights, you will be denied.

This is the side of game many people don’t want to talk about: the failures.

However, you cannot have the sweet without the sour.

While I enjoy sharing success stories, it’s also important to show the ‘failures’ so that you understand that game has it’s moments of glory and moments of crushing defeat. While I still can pat myself on the back for pulling her so quick and getting to that point, my cock will never forgive her friends for shutting him down at the doorstep to one of the greatest asses he’s ever seen.

Have a great weekend gentlemen, thank you for reading my ramblings and I’ll ‘see’ you all on Monday. I’m out. Oh yea, don’t forget to carry a condom. Your dick will be eternally grateful.


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Read More: The Easiest Way To Have A One Night Stand

12 Replies to ““Dude, do you have a condom?!””

  1. You had me doubled over laughing my ass off. I know the situation… and I know the feeling! This post captures it perfectly.


  2. Freddie read my mind. I’m no young buck (40s), but I often wondered the demographic of your business deals and suspected it was probably with older dudes who like the excitement you offer. Many blog posts could be written about this angle.


  3. Christian,

    Quick blog post idea. I am 19 and have just landed an internship with a Wealth Management firm. In your last post you touched on hobnobbing with wealthy older gentlemen. The majority of out clients are exactly that rich old British motherfuckers, sometimes I find these guys hard and often awkward to talk to although having a heap of life experience already (I’ve travelled the world from when I was 18) I still find them difficult. I was wondering if you could shed some light on the art and etiquette of speaking to these class of men, as I’m sure they can open many many doors.

    Sincerely, Freddie. (I also inspired one of your blog posts on mystery concerning my facial scar)



  4. This is some of the most painful shit I’ve ever read. It’s happened to me fingering included, but logistics fucking me over in the sense of having no place to bang (my usual motel being full). Keep’em coming Mcqueen. Fucking lewl’d when your buddy ran over with the condom.


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