The Playboy’s Guide To Tanning

If you’ve ever considered getting a tan, but you’re unsure of where to start, or what exactly to do, here is your complete one-stop guide on what to do. I explore the options available to you, the average prices and whether a tan is even something you should consider.

Background

I never write about what I don’t know and this post is no different. I’ve been tanning whether with the use of a tanning bed (artificial sun), naturally tanning (outside old school style), or getting spray tans, since I was 16 years old.

That’s a helluva lot of experience when it comes to this topic and I most definitely have a few wrinkles that can vouch for it.

I started tanning in high school, because being tan was all the rage and I liked how I looked when I was darker. Problem was back then the beds weren’t near as safe as they are now and who knows the type of skin damage I received. Like anything in life though, it is what it is, nothing I can do to undo the damage of the past and having raw sex and consuming bottles of vodka weekly is probably up there in terms of risk, so no worries from me here.

As I mentioned, I used beds for years, but in the last year or so, have switched to custom airbrush tanning. I’ll explain more of what that entails in a bit.

Tanning Options

sun-with-sunglasses-clipart

#1. Natural Sun

I call this the ‘old school’ method, but in reality, this is how you can get sun for free. The problem I have with it, is that it’s not a controlled environment, meaning that based on where you live, cloud coverage etc, you can either get burned easily, or possibly get a decent tan. Here’s some pros and cons:

Pros:

-Free

-Can get a tan while doing a physical activity, or at your pool or beach, surrounded by bikini-clad girls.

Cons:

-Unregulated environment. You don’t know how much actual sun you’re getting.

-Tan lines like a mofo. If you’re rocking board shorts, expect to have some weird ass tan lines

-Takes forever. Depending on your skin type, maybe you can get a tan in 30 minutes, but don’t be out there too long, or you might get burned. I don’t know about you, but if I have to spend an hour outside everyday just to maintain the tan, then that’s not going to work. I have shit to do and I could get the same amount of ‘sun’ (minus the harmful rays), in 8-10 minutes in a tanning bed.

V28-with-model (She’s not included)

#2. Tanning Beds

Throw a rock and I’m sure you’ll hit a tanning bed salon in your neighborhood. They’re everywhere (at least in the USA) and over the years have become quite cheap. There’s monthly memberships, bulk discounts and even one-time buys for the cats who just want to try it and see if it works for them, but the average price for one tan in SoCal is around $30. Now that’s high compared to some of the fly-over states, so check with your local salons. Also, if possible always talk to the owner and negotiate in front of them with cash. It’s a competitive business and 99% of the time they will cut you a deal.

Pros: 

-Regulated sun. You know exactly how much exposure you’re getting down to the specifics of the rays.

-No tan lines, or ones that aren’t as bad depending on what you rock in the bed

-Stand-up or lay down beds. If you’re the claustrophobic type, then a stand-up bed is probably your best bet. One common misconception about tanning, is that some people who have not used a bed, think it’s like a coffin. It is not. The bed does NOT lock, you can open it at any time and there’s even a big button you can hit that turns the bulbs off immediately. You’re safer being in a bed, then in an elevator full of strangers.

-Saves time. If you’re like me and you don’t have time to spend outside every single day to keep a tan, then just go 1-2 times a week to maintain one.

Cons:

-Too much sun can still cause wrinkles. Thing is if you’re super paranoid about wrinkles, then just skip tanning whether inside or out.

-Can damage your eyes if you don’t wear eye protection. My eyes are probably fucked, because I hate the raccoon effect when wearing the goggles, so cataracts are probably in my future. Such is life.

-Can add up if  you don’t tan easily. The cost of tanning can start to add up for the premium beds. You never want to use the low grade beds. First off, the bulbs aren’t as good and you’re more likely to get burned. Ask for Matrix beds, or just say, “What is your top bed?”. Being cheap really will cost you in the long run when it comes to this.

mystic

#3. Stand Up Spray Tanning Booths

These are crap. I’ve used one once and while it’s cheap, the tan was uneven and it was a waste of money.

How it works is that you stand in this shower looking booth and the booth has these nozzles that essentially mist you with a tanning spray.

The booth’s automated voice (which sounds like a female robot with a cock in her throat) will then tell you to turn around. The booth sprays you again. Then you get out. It takes maybe 2 minutes, but the quality is shit.

I highly recommend that you do NOT use this option if you’re wanting a tan.

Airbrush_Tanning

#4. Custom Airbrush Tan

This is my go-to method for tanning now and here’s why:

Pros: 

-Quick! I can get a tan that looks like I just spend a summer in the tropics in about 10 minutes. I don’t have to do multiple sessions, I can just do one and be Vegas pool party ready within 20 minutes from walking in the salon, getting the tan and walking out.

-No skin cancer worries

-No wrinkle worries

-It gives me a ‘rich’ in color look. Sometimes the beds will still give me a slight red hue, but never with the airbrush. It’s golden, or light brown everytime.

-It makes you look more cut. It has to do with them actually airbrushing you, but it makes the abs and muscle definition pop like a body-builder. There’s some guys who even get their abs defined more, but that’s retarded in my opinion, unless you’re about to do a fitness competition, then it makes sense. Otherwise your ‘abs’ might just wash off in the pool in Vegas and the joke will be on you.

-The girls’ who do it are always cute (at least where I go). Imagine this: You’re standing in your briefs in a private room with a cute girl on her knees as she custom sprays you. The moment she looks up at you with a small glimmer of a smile makes your session that much more enjoyable. Oh yea, they can never help themselves and will always check your package out.

-A perfect tan. Since it’s an actual cute girl using the spray gun, it’s nigh impossible to get weird tan lines. Just make sure that when she asks how dark you want to be, to err on the side of caution, or you might come out TOO dark. A perfect example of this is, in this free video I did. I went too dark and came out a bit orange, but I’m sure you all had a good chuckle over it and I’m a good sport.

Cons:

-It can be more money upfront, but it’s cheaper overall then the beds. I pay around $50 for a custom airbrush tan, but if I were to pay for bed sessions that would get me as dark as the airbrush, then it would cost me well over $150. So it’s more upfront, but it’s cheaper overall.

-Only lasts a week. This is the biggest flaw. If I use beds then that tan will last longer, but it also takes longer to get.

-It can stain your white shirts, so use caution when dressing. I’ve stained nice white dress shirts before, so that is one real negative.

Who’s Right For Tanning?

If you can get a tan outside, then you will generally be able to get tan through a bed.

If you don’t tan outside, then you want to skip any beds with bulbs and opt for a custom airbrush tan.

Here’s the deal: Lets say that you have red hair and white skin, then you don’t want to tan. It just won’t look right. It could even make you look ‘off’. You want to be completely honest with yourself, your look, your style, and it wouldn’t hurt to get a second opinion from a friend you trust, BEFORE considering to do this.

If you tend to get a tan rather easily, then you probably have the complexion where it can enhance your looks.

I have some Cherokee Indian blood running through my veins, so being tans suits me (unless I go to far and look like a carrot haha). But if I was fair-haired and had extremely white skin, then I wouldn’t consider it.

Why Do I Tan?

Here’s the reasons why I tan and maybe you’ll identify with some of these.

-I physically feel better. When I get actual sun, I feel happier. There’s science behind this, so I’m not delusional. I simply feel much better which translates into my body language and overall mood.

-I’ve been told by enough chickadees that I’m more attractive with a tan. I concur.

-It helps when shirtless at the pool. What’s the point of being in shape, if you don’t have the tan that brings it all together? There’s a reason why body-builders tan. It helps you look more defined.

-I get way more IOIs when tan. Now the chickadee might just be thinking, “Now why the hell is that dude so tan in January?” ha, but regardless she’s staring and that makes it even easier to approach.

-I like tan girls. I’ve never been a fan of extremely white skinned girls and tan girls tend to like tan guys so thus like begets like.

Final Words of Caution

Everything a man does should be done in moderation when it comes to stuff like this. Too much tanning can have you looking like a Jersey Shore reject and that’s not the look you should be going for. Even if you get a light tan just to give your skin some color (which is a sign of health which women find attractive mating wise), then that’s great too.

The irony of tanning is that it can become an addiction and then you might start down that path of thinking that you’re never dark enough. Tis a scary road ha. Here’s a photo where I might have slightly overdone it.

McQueen1

As for myself, I have no problem being the older tan cat who’s suited up. That look is classic and it goes along well with the suited up playboy style I personally like.

One such cat, is the gent below. Not writing his name for google purposes, but it’s not hard to figure out.

steve_wynn

Who knows, maybe I’ll be that tan in my 70’s too ha.

Any questions that I didn’t answer, drop em in the comments below and I’ll help you out.

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  One thought on “The Playboy’s Guide To Tanning

  1. 03/24/2015 at 6:39 am

    Guys, use fucking sun screen. I know it makes you feel like a pussy massaging that shit into your pale manbreasts like you’re about to get tittyfucked, but your future freckle free skin will thank you.

    Like

  2. breezy
    03/18/2015 at 8:55 am

    Christian, its important to also touch on the fact that some of us may be more on the hairier side. So going to get air brushed tan will stick to your body hair won’t it? Do you think its best to just use tanning beds? Or Shave?

    Personally, i shave my upper body to show off muscle definition so its not a big deal. I’m a very light skin hispanic guy so getting a tan during the summer months isn’t an issue for me. But now i have some options to consider for the cold midwest winter seasons. Thanks!

    Like

  3. mark power
    03/17/2015 at 10:04 am

    Melanotan works great. Have to inject it though.

    Like

  4. 03/17/2015 at 9:38 am

    In one of the old David DeAngelo recordings, he said “tan fan looks better than white fat.” It’s true. I would even venture to say that, with their shirt off, a tan guy with an average build looks better than a fit dude who is pasty white

    I often use the Loreal Sublime Bronzer towelettes. It’s a cloth that’s easy to apply, at least to your arms and face, but it comes out great. Getting a full body tan is harder, but if I’m just looking to get more color for times when I will have clothes on, they work great

    One issue I have when I airbrush tan: it goes away WAY too quick. I NEVER last a week. I have heard moisturizing your skin is the big key here, but even when I do that it doesn’t seem to work. Any suggestions?

    Like

    • 03/17/2015 at 3:21 pm

      That’s the major flaw of airbrush tanning, but it’s perfect for pre-vacation, or a weekend trip where you know you’ll be at a pool. Mine tend to last around 5-7 days.

      Like

  5. Corey
    03/17/2015 at 12:18 am

    Haha, I have red hair and very, very white skin. I’ve tried tanning with 3 of those methods you mentioned but it just doesn’t work. At most I get a very light tan that wears off after a couple of weeks. I’ve just accepted my very white skin and have learned to feel proud of it.

    Like

    • 03/17/2015 at 3:28 pm

      Yea, if it’s just not meant to be for your skin type, then just own it as you’re doing.

      Like

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