In our respective lives as we pursue happiness, there is one very important question that every man should ask himself.
This question will help him understand what makes him tick when it comes to women and this knowledge will serve him in finding happiness and living a fulfilled life.
The question is simple and the knee jerk response is usually a resounding “Yes!”, but at the heart of the matter the agreeable man may be dishonest with himself.
The question (as you might have surmised already from the article title) is: Is the life of a player for you?
Think about it for a moment.
Really think about it.
Was your knee jerk answer “yes”, or “no”?
Peer pressure can work from both sides when considering this question.
For example, let’s say that deep down you prefer the company of one sweet girl and hitting the clubs for one night stands doesn’t really interest you. Let’s also say that your roommate loves going out and pulling new girls weekly and in your desire to be deemed cool and gain his friendship, you join along with him, but your heart is never really into it and if truth be told, you’re not that happy in your life.
The opposite could also be true. You might be in an exclusive relationship with a sweet girl who’s feminine, loving, affectionate, and everything about her screams marriage material, but deep down you’re not happy. Instead, you secretly desire hitting the town weekly to meet new girls to have sex with and you constantly feel a nagging in your soul that whispers “You can do better. There’s a better chick out there, you just have to go find her”. Instead though, you carry on day by day in your relationship going through the motions, but you’re secretly miserable.
In both hypothetical situations you’re not living the life you want due to peer pressure, perhaps not wanting to hurt the girl emotionally and perhaps even the feeling of comfort provided by staying in the rut you’re in at the moment.
Regardless, it’s time you self-examine your life and choices that you’re making, so that you can find your happy path.
One way that helped me determine what my preference is, was by listening to my gut.
Anytime I was in a relationship with a girl, I would either cheat, or dump her. I was of course dumped as well and have experienced both sides of the coin, but regardless, at some point in the relationship, I would feel the following:
- Stifled as though I could not breathe
- Constantly viewing other girls as the grass is greener on the other side of the fence syndrome
- Checking out emotionally and sexually from the relationship, because I was too weak to simply break it off
- The biggest one, was that my hunger to meet new girls was greater than my dedication to the one I was with
The answer for myself was quite simple:
It wasn’t the sex that was driving me. I didn’t need, nor want sex every day. Instead, when I self-examined my heart, I found that what I desired was sex with multiple different girls, or random sex with new girls.
In other words, I would rather have sex once a week with a brand new girl, over sex with the same girl everyday.
The conquest is what drove me, not the actual sex.
Now this is interesting because it’s easy to chalk up the player life as being a ‘sex addict’, as some groups of people who like to negatively label players will do, but for myself at least, it’s not about the sex. Sure, of course sex is great, but it’s the icing on the cake (for me).
Once I established that, then I was able to determine that the player life suited my actual desires and needs.
The other obvious type is that of a man who prefers sex constantly (even daily perhaps) with the same girl, or multiple girls, but the drive for actual sex is what pushes him. He can either have sex constantly with his significant other, or he can have a harem of girls who he has sex with on the regular, but either way, he isn’t driven by meeting new girls to have sex with, he simply wants sex on the regular with as little ‘work’ as possible.
Before I go any further, I would like to point out a couple of things:
1. Not being naturally inclined to living the player life, doesn’t mean that you don’t need game. Whether you’re single, have a girlfriend, or are married, you need game. Having game isn’t just about getting laid, it’s about life. It’s common for many men to want to learn game in order to meet that “special someone”, but once they enter a relationship, they abandon basic game principles and they unsurprisingly are crushed by how the girl “loses her feelings” for him overnight.
2. In a man’s life we ebb and flow. What I mean is what you want at 20yo may not be what you want at 30yo. You may prefer the company of just one woman for a certain period of time and then years later you might find yourself craving the company of multiple new women. It’s normal to go back and forth, but in general men tend to fall into two categories:
Category A: The Player Type
They enjoy the free existence of dating lots of women, having sex with various girls and the freedom of not worrying about a girlfriend, or wife to hold them back from doing whatever they want, whenever they want.
Category B: The Monogamous Type
This man usually is content with having just one woman in his life and as long as he doesn’t have to put out too much effort to keep her happy, he’s content with just having sex with her, although he may regularly fantasize about sex with other girls. He isn’t the type to act on these fantasies, or he believes that isn’t realistic for him to attain the player type of lifestyle.
Now it’s important to remember something: neither is particularly right, or wrong. These are preferences. The player type, while he may be admired by other guys for his skills (which we know are hard-won) is no greater than the monogamous type. And the monogamous type is not more virtuous because he’s able to have a relationship. They merely are two different men.
These are very basic black and white descriptions to help explain my point in a concise way, but usually there are shades of grey and overlap with these two main types.
You might find that you are a mix of both types.
“Well how can that be?”
In very simple terms you desire to build a family and that requires at least one solid girl, while you have your mistresses on the side to feed your need for sex with multiple girls. This method works well when one likes the stability of a relationship, but needs some variation.
You might even be an advanced player type who can actually have an open relationship with your main (albeit open on your side only. I would never recommend being a cuckold on any terms) where you do your thing with other girls (and she might even join in), but she is faithful to you. That might sound outlandish, but I have experienced this myself and know of others who have this arrangement. I will go into more detail on this in a future article, but having rock-solid Frame is absolutely paramount for this to work.
Now here is the key aspect of this article.
When determining what you’re ‘naturally’ more like, only consider YOURSELF.
Take any opinions of friends, family, significant others, or any influence at all and discard it for the moment.
This is about YOU, YOUR life, YOUR desires, YOUR needs, YOUR wants and YOUR happiness.
Have you been living more of a player life, but you desire one woman and to ‘settle down’?
Have you been in a relationship and you secretly are miserable and desire to live the player life?
Only you can answer these questions, but I implore you to do so. Answering these questions honestly will allow you to discover more about yourself, help you achieve happiness and put you on the path that you truly need to be on.
Find out when the next enrollment period is for A Man In Demand Academy. Go here.
Read More: 5 Things Men Should Never Look For In Women