How To Deal With Flakes (The Biggest Mistakes)

We’ve all been flaked on. Every single one of us.

It can either be a crushing blow to our egos, or merely a blip on our radar screen of multiple prospects.

Here are a few mistakes guys make when dealing with flakes and a solution to minimizing them.

Mistake #1: Getting Mad At Her

This is about as un-PC as possible, but I don’t give a fuck: women are grown-up children.

Would you be surprised if a child acts like a child?

Then why act surprised when a woman throws a bullshit excuse at you when she flakes?

I’ll tell you why: because it’s a direct blow to your self-esteem and ego and is essentially a big fat “Fuck you! You’re not important enough for me to follow through on said plans”.

Yea, it sucks, but getting mad at her is a waste of your time for multiple reasons:

  • It’s waste of your valuable energy. Instead of taking it out on her, you could direct that energy to meeting new girls
  • She’s not going to change. Your logic of “But you made plans with me and a person’s word is important” will fall on deaf ears. Women are emotional creatures and when she said “Yea, I’d love to go get drinks with you on Friday”, she probably did mean it, IN THAT MOMENT, but as the days passed, she got more offers for new exciting plans and she dropped you down to a last resort.
  • Why get mad and try to CONVINCE a girl to spend time with you. If you have to convince her, then she’s not worth your time and she probably won’t be a good date. Go on dates with girls who are EAGER to go out with you and you’ll have a much better time

Mistake #2: Letting Her Ruin Your Plans

So you have plans with a sexy chick you met at Starbucks for tomorrow night, but she flakes. You can do one of two things:

1. Get pissed off, curse her existence, and stay at home and read Reddit all night.


2. Shrug it off, watch a module on A Man In Demand Academy (enrollment is back open), roll out and meet NEW, cooler, hotter women.

Which option will ensure that you grow as a player?

Which option is the gateway to depression, mediocrity and becoming an incel loser?

Mistake #3: Letting It Ruin Your Mood

Vibe is EVERYTHING when you roll out for the night, or hell, even when daygaming. Her flaking could allow yourself to Blanket Mood ALL girls.

In other words, you take out her flaking on you, on ALL girls when you’re out.

You know how this works. Maybe you’ve been out with a buddy and he gets rejected at the club. He walks back to where you’re standing and from that point on he’s a raging asshole to every girl you approach. He takes out his anger on every girl, even though they have NOT given him real reason to do so.

What happens? Your evening is ruined because of ONE silly little girl.

You are a man and men are not ruled by their emotions. They let the flake or rejection roll off their back, because THEY KNOW THEIR WORTH. When you know your worth, a flake or rejection is like a small fly nagging you. You casually swat it away and move on with your life.

Mistake #4: Letting It Define You

One rejection does not define.

100 rejections do not define you.

1,000 rejections do not define you.

Rejection is a part of the Game. Fact. Period. It will always be that way, just like a major slugger in the MLB WILL strike out multiple times during the season even while leading the home run race.

When you realize that it comes with the territory and accept it for what it is, then you will be much happier.

What Is The Solution?

Here is what I do and it works VERY well.

I rarely make specific dates with a girl.

In other words, here’s what I do:

I make plans for what I want to do for a specific night. Let’s say tonight I make plans to hit up a hotel lounge, have some drinks with a buddy, then roll out to some clubs. Those are MY plans. It doesn’t matter if my buddy flakes (yea some guys are flakes too), or there’s a small earthquake, I’m doing what I’m going to do. Nobody can affect my plans.

Let’s also say I got the number of a cute girl a couple of days ago.

What I will do is shoot her a text the day of and say something like this:

“hitting up the W for drinks around 9sh. come thru”

It’s casual. It’s no pressure. It’s not formal in any sense. It doesn’t give a “It’s an official date” vibe and most importantly: it shows that I HAVE A LIFE AND SHE CAN JOIN ME IF SHE LIKES, BUT I’M STILL DOING IT.

The worst part about asking a girl on an official date, is that it gives the Frame completely to her.

It puts her in the driver’s seat of the interaction from the jump.

This comes across needy as fuck.

If you’re more of a formal dude, then you can do something like this:

“I’m checking out the new sushi restaurant XYZ tomorrow at 8p. Come with”

This is more of an in advance type ‘proposal’, but it still shows you have a life and she can be a part of it, but she is NOT your life. You are not building your life, or plans around her existence.


Now here’s the deal gents: I live in Los Angeles, which probably has the highest flake rate in the world.

Chicks here are flaky as hell.

Guys here are flaky as hell.

Life is flaky here.

It’s just the culture of SoCal and while I don’t like it, it is what it is, just like the insane traffic.

I don’t act surprised if I get on the freeway at 5pm and there’s traffic, because I know that is the way it is.

In the same vein, I don’t get surprised if a chick flakes.

The last way to combat flakiness, is to simply double, or even triple book girls. I do this constantly and it works quite well. Worse case scenario they all show up and you can host your own ElimiDate competition.

Lastly, the life-changing solution to a high flake rate, is becoming such a man of High Value, that you find yourself having to cancel dates because you have so many girls in your life. When girls are hitting you up begging to hang out, then you’re on the right track. Become a man of high value and you’ll find your flake rate dramatically diminish.

Alright gents, here’s to a great weekend, fuck the flakes (just do your own thing and meet NEW girls), check out the brand new podcast episode with Rollo Tomassi out now, and if you haven’t yet, get signed up for A Man In Demand Academy for just $1.

I’m out until Monday when I return with a brand new podcast episode to help you get your week started right.


Read More: How To Teach Your Girl To Give Great Head (She’ll Get Addicted)

11 Replies to “How To Deal With Flakes (The Biggest Mistakes)”

  1. Correction: Hey mccqueen at what point do you make drama so the girl can stay interested? Cause drama is girls middle name


  2. Hey mccqueen at what point do you make pointless drama so the girl can stay interested? Cause drama is girls middle name


  3. I was over flakes for a while now but around this time last year I met a girl who kept proposing that we hang out after her initial flake. She would text me out of the blue and say “you want to do x tonight?” or “sorry for flaking I’ve just been super busy but I still want to hang out with you”. That happened several times until I stopped responding. It’s almost like her mission all along was to waste my time.


    1. That girl most likely is an attention whore playing games with you because she think she’s hot but shes a little insecure at the same time and is doing it for cheep thrills. You should have let her ask you out first ….. lie and say you had family events to attend to then don’t text her for a couple of days….then try to set something up….if she flakes then then don’t respond at all. Girls have a game plan already in motion and set up but you have to throw them off to actually get something. Play the game along with her


  4. McQueen
    Can you do a write up for older virgins (30+) who feel frustrated and are losing hope? Can those who are older and at the bottom still have success?


  5. Other alternatives:
    1.) Setup two girls for the same time. Cancel the uglier one two hours out.
    2.) As you said, be so busy/in demand that when a girl flakes on you it’s a RELIEF as opposed to frustration.
    3.) Reminds me of this shit, when I got flaked on 4 girls in 2 days and the other (whose house I was at) thought I was gay. I guarantee you’ll feel better after reading this.


  6. The most important thing is to honestly want to do whatever your date plan is. If you set dates up for bullshit like going to the Aquarium that you have no interest in, you’re going to feel like an asshole when she flakes. Tell her you’re going to be at whatever cool spot, and if she flakes keep on having a good time.

    Liked by 2 people

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