One of the biggest areas I see many men struggle in when it comes to the seduction process, is when building comfort, or the lack there of. Understanding that building comfort is key to getting the girl to leave the venue with you, is crucial for having a ONS.
Here are three tips on building comfort with a girl. These are not all of them, but they will help you immensely if you use them.
#3. Be Cool, Calm and Collected
Think about it for a second. When you’ve found yourself around a nervous person, how does it make you feel? Kind of nervous, right? If you’re a nervous wreck around a girl, you can’t help but expect her to get nervous too and not the good kind. The good kind is where she’s ‘nervous’ in an excited manner. That’s good nervous, but the awkward nervous is a date ‘killer’.
So the obvious question is, how does one stay cool, calm and collected? The three main aspects of this are the following:
1. Knowing Your Own Body & Space
The more comfortable you are in your body language the more powerful and sexual you come across. Getting command of one’s own body is paramount and the foundation of developing good game.
It starts with your body.
Ever notice how cool, calm and confident the James Bond character is in the films? Strong, relaxed, but alert.
Watch those films, namely the ones starring Sean Connery and Daniel Craig and start imagining yourself as the Bond
character. Walk around all day as though you ARE James Bond. Watch how your body language starts to change. You’ll feel more confident and commanding.
Also, make sure that your posture is on point. If you’re a sloucher, start holding your shoulders back, head up and maintain eye contact with others. If you’re a shifty-eyed guy who is slumped over at the bar looking at his feet, you can be sure that girls won’t feel any comfort around you, even with 8 Sex on the beach drinks in em.
2. Getting Your Personal Style In Order
I won’t beat a dead horse here, but understand that the more put together you are on the outside, this effects you internally and also makes a huge difference in how girls perceive you.
If you’re rocking a stained button-up unstuffed and wrinkled shirt, with old jeans and scuffed shoes, how does that bring comfort to a girl?
She’ll think, “If he can’t even take care of his clothes, he sure can’t take of my body tonight!”.
Regardless of how ‘fair’ it is, people judge you on FIRST impressions and if you look like a slob, then it’s very hard to overcome that.
3. Watch What You Say
Being cool, calm and collected also comes from WHAT you say and HOW you say it.
Here’s a little rule that will help you when you don’t know what to say: Say Nothing. Less is more. Do you see James Bond blabbing his every thought out? Hell no. When you don’t say every single thing you’re thinking, it comes across as mysterious in a good way.
My old mentor back in college taught me this and it made a HUGE difference in my game. I used to blabber mouth every thought I had to girls and he told me (quite quickly), “You’re cockblocking yourself by saying your every thought. Chill out. Say less. Let them see you thinking through YOUR EYES”. Powerful stuff.
Girls love to be intrigued and wonder what you’re thinking. If you tell them everything you’re thinking, it kills
any sexual tension between the two of you.
Being subtle and saying less is usually best, especially as you progress in your game. The more experience you get, the easier it’ll be for you to chat more, but know what to say when. Until then, err on the side of saying less and using your body language, facial expressions and eyes to make your point. 90% of communication comes from body language so that tells you how important it really is.
#2. Have The Venue On-Lock
Yea, I preach on this constantly, but it’s because it’s such a BIG way to overcome comfort obstacles with girls.
When the bartender knows you and gives you a pound and a free shot, the girl beside you thinks “Okay, so this guy knows people, which means he’s cool, accepted and isn’t a serial killer. I want to get to know him”.
When you walk in past the line, give the bouncer a pound and he lifts the velvet rope for you, all the girls in line think “Wow! Who’s THAT guy? He must be special” (which you are because you were smart enough to listen to me and get your venues On-Lock).
This is building comfort with the girls BEFORE you even talk to them, which is powerful.
This is a version of Social Proof, which is extremely powerful.
In the A Man In Demand Academy, I teach you how to walk into a party alone and make friends instantly. Even if you’re traveling and don’t know the staff of a club, bar or lounge, you can utilize this social tool to help you appear more in the know and connected.
Girls are drawn to alpha males who are known by males and desired by other females.
Learn the shortcuts by learning how to dominate a social setting in every type of social situation.
Let’s say you’re vibing with a girl very well and closing time hits. You want to take her home, but she’s throwing up some excuses.
“I don’t know you very well”
“How do I know you’re not going to kidnap me?”
“You probably do this with all the girls”
“I don’t have sex on the first night” (here’s a great response to that)
“You’re a complete stranger. I don’t know if I can go home with you”
She may be laughing (and very well could not be), but you still need to ease her mind, so the two of you can go have some adult consensual fun.
Here’s some ‘lines’ I’ve used in the past (and still currently) that help put her at ease and help me overcome her excuses.
The more you deflect and make it seem like SHE needs to make you comfortable, the
more she will try to prove she’s NOT crazy etc. This helps you get her ‘primed’ to leave with
My Lines To Build Comfort
Note: these are said with a twinkle in your eye and very small smile. This keeps it light and fun. If she’s into you she’ll laugh and try to prove to you she’s not.
“You’re not a black widow type are you?”
“If I wind up in a dumpster, I’m going to haunt you”
“I have curfew at 2am, but I’ll make an exception for you” (said as a clear joke)
“How many guys do you do this to?” (Works because it flips the script of what girls usually say to an obvious player)
The key to these lines is to keep it light and fun, but to cause her to then prove herself to you that she’s not any of these ways. This automatically flips the script and makes her want to prove she’s a fun time and isn’t some psycho girl.
Be Cool, Calm and Collected
- Get control of your body language and use it to build sexual tension with her.
- Get your style in order. Don’t be a slob, dress to impress and you’ll have girls opening you.
- Watch what you say. If your mind is drawing a blank, look around the room like you’re bored. This will cause her to try harder to impress you. Girls want what they CANNOT have. Why do you think they throw themselves at alpha males? They need their seed. Become that guy and see the difference.
Get Venues On-Lock
- Chat up everyone and learn how to instantly build a new group of people to hang with and build social proof.
- The more you can flip the script, the quicker you’ll cause the girl to prove to you she’s fun and a good time, instead of you doing so.
- Eliminate doubt in her mind by being fun, light and chill.
- Drop one of the lines I gave you in a teasing manner and watch her lighten up, take your hand and leave to go have some adult fun with you.
Start utilizing these techniques next time you’re out, or on a date and you’ll see a big difference in her attraction levels and attitude towards you.
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