You Have Not Because You Ask Not

“I demand more of myself than anyone else could ever expect.” 

-Julius Erving

When’s the last time you demanded more from yourself?

When’s the last time you demanded more from your selection of friends? Girls? Family?

Note that I’m not asking you to demand more from your friends, more from your family, nor more from girls; instead I’m asking when you asked more from yourself.

People will let you down.

Friends who you thought had your back wind up stabbing you in the back.

Girls who you thought possibly had long-term relationship potential wound up letting you down with shady behavior.

That is life. Get used to THAT, but what I admonish you never to get used to is not demanding more of yourself.

You have not because you ask not.

If you expect shit in your life, then shit will constantly happen to you. If you expect to become wealthy sleeping in every day and spending every weekend as your personal chill time, then good luck. If you expect to get girls passively approaching two or three girls per week, then your hand will become your lover.

The past few days I was in New York City, a city that is powerful and dare I say magical in its own right. When I’m in NYC, I feel as though anything is possible. Why is this?

Is it because of the hustle and bustle of people actively hurrying through the streets focused on going somewhere and doing something?

Is it because NYC is the mecca of city life and everyone from the garbage collectors to Wall Street bankers have a look of determination in their eyes of “Get out of my way I’m building something”?

At one point I was walking and looked up and saw the Empire State Building. For those of you who have visited NYC, or live there, you know the magnitude of that building.

It stands tall, unapologetic and I imagine the sphere at the top is a gigantic metal and steel middle finger flipping everyone off around it, as though it’s saying, “I fucking made it. Get on my level motherfuckers”.

At that moment I asked a passerbyer (unfortunately not one of the leggy models who glide down the street constantly), but instead an older couple shuffling down the street, to snap a pic as I lit a cig. They didn’t capture the metal and steel ‘middle-finger’ in the pic, but nevertheless did a solid job with it.


As they shuffled away, I looked at the picture. For some reason I asked myself in that moment a question I suggest every man to ask himself: What have I asked of myself lately? The question hit me hard and it stayed on my mind as I walked back to my hotel.

Was I really pushing myself? Was I slacking? I shook my head at myself because I knew the answer. I was not asking enough of myself.

I was not asking enough of my decisions on who I chose as friends.

I was not asking myself to network even more when out and about.

I was not asking enough of my mind to write more posts for this blog.

I was not asking enough of my sheer will and determination to get shit done in a timely manner.

I was not asking enough of myself when making the best choices for myself every day.

You have not because you ask not.

You can’t force people around you to do what you want.

You can’t force your family to be a great family that provides you with connections, money and power.

You can’t force your friends to be loyal, have your back and not trample on the privilege of being your friend.

You can’t force every single girl you meet to want to be with you.

But you know what you can do?

You can ask more of yourself. You can have more, simply because you ASK more of YOURSELF.

I challenge you this week to look at yourself in the morning in the mirror and once again before you go to bed and say out-loud:

“I expect more from you. I expect you to quit your bitching and start doing more. I expect you to let go of those who are not conducive to my life and hold onto those who are. I expect you to get up and grab life by its balls and twist them into submission. I expect you to realize that if you don’t do it, you will never have IT.”

You have not because you ask not, but starting today I want you to start asking. You deserve it and life is too fucking short to not ask more of yourself.

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2 Replies to “You Have Not Because You Ask Not”

  1. Samurai Song
    Robert Pinsky, 1940
    When I had no roof I made Audacity my roof.
    When I had No supper my eyes dined.
    When I had no eyes I listened. When I had no ears I thought.
    When I had no thought I waited.
    When I had no father I made Care my father.
    When I had No mother I embraced order.
    When I had no friend I made Quiet my friend. When I had no Enemy I opposed my body.
    When I had no temple I made My voice my temple. I have No priest, my tongue is my choir.
    When I have no means fortune Is my means.
    When I have Nothing, death will be my fortune. Need is my tactic, detachment Is my strategy.
    When I had No lover I courted my sleep.


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