As the weather starts to shift as we head into Fall, I always start to see the same pattern of men and women coupling up in preparation for cold months. Here in LA, it’s never really winter, but still the same pattern exists.
Oneitis will creep up on you just like age. One day you’re twenty-one and the next you’re thirty, but here are 9 signs you’re getting oneitis, but more importantly what to do about it.
#9. Seeing Her Is The Highlight Of Your Day
In the initial stages of ‘love’, i.e. you’re piping her out daily or weekly and the exchange of hormones is creating a bond, you might find yourself looking forward to seeing her to the extent that you start sacrificing your own self-improvement.
It starts small.
First you cut your workout down by a few minutes so you can get home and take extra time freshening up for her arrival at your apartment. Then you might just skip a workout. Next thing you know you start making excuses like, “Well, sex is a workout…kind of”, and before you know it you’ve allowed her significance in your life to override your schedule.
When you find yourself cutting corners in anticipation for her do yourself a favor: cancel the plans. Even if it’s last-minute. You’ll find that two things will happen:
- You’ll survive.
- You’ll feel MORE confident. Nothing will make you feel more confident than KNOWING you could have her, but CHOOSING to cancel because you need to focus on yourself.
#8. You’re Investing More Energy Into The Relationship Than Her
This is one is a big one and nothing will push her away quicker then her realizing that you are starting to make her the focus of your life.
Here’s some practical examples of how this plays out:
Example #1: She texts you asking how your day is going. You text back IN DETAIL almost immediately. She doesn’t respond because she’s playing a game, but your head is so far up your ass you don’t realize it. You then text her AGAIN a bit later (because hey she might not have gotten the text!). She responds vaguely and with disinterest later on. You take that as a sign that she’s pulling away (she is, but wouldn’t have if you followed these rules in The Player’s Guide To Text Game that you can snag for free right now) and decide to push for her to come see you right away! We know how that goes over and she responds later that night that she “fell asleep while studying”.
Solution: less is more. Less is more. Less is more. Keep your texts short. Mystery builds attraction, not details.
Example #2: You make plans to chill with your Rat Pack, but she texts you about an hour into hanging out with them: “Hey baby I really want to see you!”. You actually contemplate ditching your boys, but decide to stick with them. She texts again, “Pout 😦 You don’t like me anymore?” and you take the bait. She knows EXACTLY what she’s doing and is shit-testing you, but you fold like wet cardboard and tell your boys you have to go see her. You just fucked up.
Solution: when you’re hanging with your pals, ignore her texts. Unless she texts saying she’s headed to the hospital due to a car wreck, then your response can wait. She isn’t going anywhere and in fact, her mind will race with wonder about what you’re really doing if you just go radio silent. Less is more gentlemen, less is more.
#7. You Start To Believe You MIGHT Not Find Another Girl You Can Connect With Like Her
This is a limiting belief. The moment you start to think that you will never connect again with another girl like you are with her, is the moment you are dead in the water.
I’ll let you in on a Player Secret: you will connect with many girls in different ways.
Will every connection be the same as another connection?
Perhaps not, but you will have varying degrees of connections with many girls and they will all be ‘special’ in some shape or form. Do not limit yourself and paint yourself into a corner with the false belief that she is a rare unicorn and your happiness is dependent on you being with her. This is dangerous territory that will lower your confidence and turn you into a beta bitch boy.
Get out. Meet other girls. See that the world is full of sexy girls who you might have an even STRONGER connection to. This doesn’t mean you have to act on it, but just know your options. A man is only as strong as his options (Rollo touched on this at the seminar).
#6. You Start To Slightly Adjust Your Life Plans Because of Her
This one is huge and the effects can be damaging for life.
Do not change your life goals for her. I’ll say it again, because it’s that important: do NOT change your life goals for her.
The moment you start to consider attending another college (hers or closer to hers), or perhaps switch careers to something more stable (for her security), then you are fucked. I am telling you that if it’s meant to be, then she will stick with you through thick and thin no matter what you are pursuing. If she doesn’t, then next her and you’ll be much better off for it.
When I moved to Los Angeles, my girlfriend at the time said, “That’s the worst thing you could have told me”. I smiled and said, “Well, then take care. I’m moving anyway”. We broke up and she was married to another guy within the year.
Do you. Always.
#5. You Start Second Guessing Yourself
Another one that is perhaps more subtle in nature is when you start second guessing your behavior around her.
I remember this one chick in particular that had a problem with my mouth.
I have a mouth on me as you are well aware, but she had the audacity one evening to ask me to watch a video with her. The video was sensitivity training for college students. I kid you not. It was for college students to realize that using certain words could *ahem* hurt others and that we should censor our speech. I laughed in her face and refused to keep watching it, but while that was right, I messed up by not ending the relationship right there. Her behavior was a huge red flag, but I was blind.
If you find yourself starting to change who YOU are (and I’m not talking about bad habits, but just in general), then you’re caring TOO much about her opinion of you.
Remember: the guy you were when she met you is the guy she fell in ‘love’ with. Change that and you’re not being true to yourself.
The solution is whenever you start to feel that nagging in your chest and you know what I’m talking about. It’s a cold sensation in your chest area, then go with your gut and act as you would anyway. If she don’t like it, then tough love baby doll, deal with it.
#4. You Start Making Love More Than Piping Her Out
Ouch. This one is huge gents. While I get there’s a slight difference between wanting to pipe your girlfriend out and making sweet ‘love’, don’t forget that at the end of the day the candles and bubble bath might not necessarily be making her as wet as some ‘dirty’ rough spontaneous sex.
The key is to mix it up. If you just pipe her out every time, then it loses its affect, but if you always make gentle ‘love’ to her, then she’ll crave some down and dirty.
If you find yourself losing your piping skills because you don’t want to do those ‘dirty’ things to her, then don’t be surprised if her sexual satisfaction starts to decline.
It’s easy for men to develop a complex that “she’s different and she doesn’t want to be degraded like that” and trust me that will blow up in your face.
Women love sex.
Women love to be dominated (consensual of course).
Don’t even get me started on the massive commercial success of 50 Shades of Grey to show you just how ‘dirty’ the modern woman is.
#3. You Ignore The Red Flags Because “She’s Different”
We’ve all been guilty of this.
Maybe it’s the sex with her.
Maybe it’s the way she looks at you when you’re dipping around in your whip.
Maybe it’s the cute way she bites her lip.
Regardless of what it is, you choose to ignore the little red flags which culminate in bigger red flags until it’s too late.
I’ve written about red flags here and you would be smart to print that motherfucker and nail it to your wall if need be.
The moment you start to notice red flags, then my friend, you need to assess the relationship. I’m not saying ditch her at the sign of one, but by two you better be planning your exit and by three you better be out the door. Don’t mistake girls normal emotional reactions to life as being red flags, but start testing her. Learn how to test her with certain situations to see HOW she will react. This can save you money, grief and most importantly, your time.
#2. You Stop Flirting With Other Girls
Note I didn’t say you stop fucking other girls, but you turn off your game completely.
This is weak. This is dangerous. This is the gateway to complete dependence on her for your validation that you’re a high value male with options.
Even if you choose to be monogamous, you can do some light flirting here and there to keep your game sharp and remind yourself that she’s not the only fish in the sea.
What I tend to see happen among dudes who are completely wrapped up in their chick, is that they are almost AFRAID to even look at another girl. I don’t mean you that you have to go out every night and flirt with every girl you see, but you should be practicing your charm and flirting/teasing skills still.
Women are smart in the sense that they know when you’re becoming to dependent on them and it TURNS THEM OFF. When she can SENSE that you have options and that other women are interested in you, then her attraction for you will increase and she will WORK harder to keep you. Remember: the more she invests in you, the more committed she will become.
Don’t turn off your game. You can dial it back. You can stop fucking other girls, but you need to always be gaming to a certain extent. The moment you stop, you’ll find yourself almost feeling desperate for her attention which is a recipe for relationship disaster.
#1. You Start Fantasizing About The LTR
For some reasons guys tend to do this more than girls even I believe.
One great date and it’s easy to start building her up in your mind about how cool she is, how unique she looks and how special her little heart is.
This is ridiculous.
What’s even more ridiculous is how a guy will get into a relationship with her quickly (because they ignored my timeline in The Alpha Playboy Part 2) and while lying in bed with her one rainy day, think, “Gee what a pure girl. She told me she’s only been with 3 other guys and by how tight her pussy is, it must be true!”, not knowing that she got DP’d just six months ago.
This is MALE HAMSTERING. This is when you suspend logic and start to act like a girl, but ignoring that anything could have happened in the past, but you’re so blinded you just take her at face value without giving the LTR enough time to really gauge her capacity for telling the truth.
The solution is to slow the fuck down. Put the brakes on. Don’t believe her at face value, but don’t question her. Just reserve judgment in YOUR MIND and test her to see what her character is really like.
It’s easy to fantasize, but the more you do, the less you lose your grip on reality and eventually you’ll spiral into Blue Pill thinking which is essentially being blind.
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