The Art of The Perfect Pause: How Reducing Your Words Enhances Your Game

One of the biggest issues I see newbies struggle with, is prattling when with a girl.

They never stop talking. They never allow the tension to build. They never let their words sink in.

Part of this is due to nerves and the other is lack of confidence. They do not feel that their words carry weight, so they increase the amount of words they use as though the sheer amount of talking will seduce her.

In game you’ll learn that what you DON’T say holds just as much power as what you DO say and sometimes even more.

In this clip below from The Cincinnati Kid starring Steve McQueen, watch how he gives her a subtle smirk BEFORE saying ‘hi’ at 0:13 seconds in.

NOTE: Playback on other websites has been disabled by the video owner, so click the link that says ‘Watch This Video On Youtube’ after pressing the play button on the video below. It’ll open another window and you can watch it. It’s worth it and the article won’t make sense unless you watch it, so make sure you do.

Then he allows a couple of seconds to pass before kissing her.

He doesn’t ask.

He doesn’t plead.

He just kisses her.

While it’s clear they have some sort of relationship at this point in the film, he doesn’t feel the need to prattle through silences.

Prattling through silences destroys any type of chemistry between the sexes. Less is more.

Moving forward in this video clip around 1:03 he uses SILENCE as a form of distraction which causes her to double down on her efforts to engage him.

Look at her face at 1:39.

She’s intent on engaging him, so she switches her approach to talk about the sexual aspect of the film she was describing to him and even takes the washcloth and starts to rub his back. In other words he made her invest more into the conversation.

At 3:08 he drops a classic Frame line, “I don’t care what you do”, which is a great way of using Push/Pull.

She retorts, “Well, you should!”, then dunks his head in the tub.

This clip is absolutely fucking classic in how a girl will then try to get YOU to care what she does. Ah the female mind is wondrous! 🙂 His smirk at her back at 3:22 gets me laughing out loud every time.

I cannot tell you guys how powerful it is to slow down your speech, allow silence, and use a carefully timed pause to increase the sexual tension between yourself and a girl.

By pausing it shows the girl that you KNOW your words hold high VALUE.

That what you say is very important.

That she should HANG ON to every word, because it’s…that…fucking…important.

A well-timed pause combined with the power of you using eye contact can make a girl wetter faster than her taking a shower. If you want to crank up the sexual tension with her, then start to pause.


Now this doesn’t mean that you talk extremely slow like a dimwitted lad, but instead alternate between using sped up speech and slowing it down to a moderate pace.

Let’s talk about that for a moment.

Here’s an example of a man who has met a girl out at a club and wants to take her home. They’ve already made out in a dark corner and now he’s using the power of persuasion to convince her to come home with him.

Guy: “Come here sexy” (he’s already holding her hand because he’s led her around the club showing ‘ownership’. He pulls her INTO him, then wraps his arms around her waist and lightly grips her ass)

Girl: “You are a naughty boy. My friends warned me about you”

Guy: Just kisses her firmly, then pulls his mouth away from hers and looks into her eyes. Touches her chin softly and says slowly, “Actually…” pauses for 2-3 second and then looks away, “Nevermind darling”. (He’s doing this to build anticipation in her which breeds what? CURIOSITY which = her coming along with him)

Girl: Lightly punching his chest playfully, “No what is it, tell meeee!”

Guy: (increasing his speech speed to moderately fast) “Tell your friends bye, let’s go I have something to show you”

NOTE: Studies show that sped up speech can actually be more powerful when convincing someone.

Source: “Interviewers who spoke moderately fast, at a rate of about 3.5 words per second, were much more successful at getting people to agree than either interviewers who talked very fast or very slowly,” says Jose Benki, a speech scientist at the University of Michigan with a special interest in psycholinguistics.

Girl: “I’ll just text them. Where are we going?”

Guy: Doesn’t say ANYTHING, just takes her by the hand and walks QUICKLY out of the club. By him NOT speaking he’s actually pausing. Think about that for a second.

What happens when a guy doesn’t ever pause and prattles non-stop?

Source: “When people are speaking, they naturally pause about 4 or 5 times a minute,” Benki says. “These pauses might be silent, or filled, but that rate seems to sound the most natural in this context. If interviewers made no pauses at all, they had the lowest success rates getting people to agree to do the survey. We think that’s because they sound too scripted.

When you don’t slow the fuck down and allow for a well-timed pause here and there, then you sound like an old school PUA: a low value guy disguised as a high value guy who is using a SCRIPT to try to convince her. Don’t be that guy.

Lastly, when talking to girls, remember to watch your pitch.

If you have a voice that sounds like Mickey Mouse getting ass raped, then take voice lessons, get a voice coach and work on it. If you have a lisp, then really work on it because it comes across as effeminate.

Getting control of your voice IS possible, but it might take work. So what? Do what needs to be done.

When I was a young lad my parents thought I had a speech impediment because I mumbled so badly. Eventually I overcame it, but it took some work. Don’t sound like a 15-year-old girl, because you won’t be as effective when you’re convincing that cute girl at the party to go home with you.

Source: Researchers also examined whether pitch influences survey participation decisions differently for male compared to female interviewers. Males with higher-pitched voices had worse success than their deep-voiced colleagues.

Alright gents, until next time…

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Read More: How To Build Comfort With A Girl

8 Replies to “The Art of The Perfect Pause: How Reducing Your Words Enhances Your Game”

  1. Great post CMQ. The same is also true in public speaking. The most powerful speakers use deliberate pauses to create anticipation in their audience, to let their sink in, and for dramatic effect.


  2. My rule of thumb: When I first try a technique, if I get a small kick of adrenaline, I am doing it right. Your body recognizes that you are taking a risk and drawing attention to yourself. So when I experiment with something like this the pause needs to be long enough to cause a a little discomfort. After running enough experiments long enough the adrenaline goes away and I can stay calm.

    Initially, talking slowly takes a significant amount of effort. The mind and body are habituated to a steady level of energy and changing that habit costs will-power.Your nervous system tends to want to do what it has always done. The problem is that you can’t just decide to be calmer, the habits that contributed to being a nervous person are embedded in the more primal parts of the brain which are inaccessible to introspection. Nerves and anxiety come from the amygdala, which is a small almond shaped part of the brain. It is embedded deep in the limbic system, which is the emotional center of the nervous system. You can’t make a one-time decision to be calm and have it stick, because that conscious decisions are made in the frontal cortex which is not part of the limbic system; the two are just not very connected. However there is a way to indirectly control the anxiety.

    The part of the brain that controls breathing is right between the conscious part of the brain and the limbic system. Breathing is both a conscious and unconscious process. When you are aware of your breathing, the conscious part takes control; after you forget about it the unconscious part kicks in. and continues to to keep you alive. By deliberately breathing deep and slow you can indirectly calm your nerves. Do it long enough and the entire body responds by relaxing.

    Because of severe anxiety I had to find a way to become calm. The anxiety was so bad I could barely open my mouth around a girl. It took years to develop the calm I feel now. While I was suffering I had no idea of how calm would feel. With anxiety I also felt lethargic. I did not have the energy or focus to carry a conversation. Calm has a very different feeling. It feels deliberate, purposeful, and full of an aggressive masculine energy. A pause often contains more activity than a conversation. The conversation represents about 20% of the communication going on. When I pause I am not blanking out. I become fully aware of the girl and a a delicious sense of the tension. The words don’t matter much.The pause creates awareness. She knows that I am aware of her and her feminine energy. It forces her to be aware of me and all the energy in my calm. I absolutely love watching a girl get all nervous. Creating that tension reminds me of what I am.

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  3. When I was brand spanking new I thought that not talking much could only work against me.

    Then I discovered a style that’s based on saying as little as possible. The less I talked, the more effective I was.

    Take note. Even being a naturally quiet guy is a strength. This is a highly overlooked subject among game blogs.


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