(Christian here. Today’s post is a guest post from Dave Perrotta from PostGradCasanova.com. Don’t forget to snag his free text guide at the end of the article as our gift to you for Christmas)
There’s no stigma behind online dating anymore. If you want to meet more women, you should be using it.
Now, if you’re already using online dating sites and apps like Tinder, OkCupid, etc. for a few hours a week, you should be setting up at least a few dates.
If you’re not, you’re doing something wrong.
The truth is, a lot of guys suck with online dating. They send cheesy messages, have mediocre pictures, and weird profiles.
But if you’re not getting a few dates a week and sleeping with sexy girls from online dating, don’t beat yourself up.
Here are 4 rules for having more success…
1. Revamp Your Profile
Your online dating profile is not a résumé. It’s also not the place to list all of your qualifications as a man who women should date.
Women are not attracted by achievements.
Remember: women are connected to emotions, not stats. And so, you should use your profile to convey your personality.
For example, I don’t take myself too seriously, and I enjoy making jokes and being self-amused. I want to convey that, along with my open-mindedness and a sense of adventure.
Here are some tidbits from my OkCupid profile…
“I have 6 beginning salsa dance lessons under my belt, so removing my pants is a process.”
What I’m doing with my life:
“- Living it on the edge”
“- Learning Spanish”
Here are some simple guidelines for improving your profile:
-Tell the truth (that means don’t lie about your height, drinking habits, etc. You’d be surprised how often guys lie about this stuff)
-Don’t list religion, unless it is really important to you
-Keep it concise and scannable
-Convey personality instead of listing stats and achievements
-Always lean towards interesting and fun over serious
2. Use Better Pictures
(If you have a shirtless bathroom-selfie, stop what you’re doing right now and go take it down.)
Pictures are the most crucial part of your profile. The better your pictures, the more dates you will get.
Even if you’re not “traditionally attractive”, you can still have awesome pictures.
As a general rule, you should avoid selfies, and use pictures with good lighting.
Here are some simple ideas for better pictures:
-You being active and/or doing something you love (for example, my main picture is of me blasting confetti at an EDM show. My friend has a picture of himself boxing).
-You with a group of people. This signals that you’re a social guy and people enjoy being around you (this shouldn’t be your first picture because people won’t be able to tell which one you are).
-You with a pet (girls love pets).
-You in an interesting location, looking away from the camera (studies have shown this kind of pose performs well).
If this sounds intimidating – it takes all of 15 minutes to grab a friend and have him take some of these types of photos of you.
3. Use This Simple First-Message Formula
What’s your typical first message in online dating conversations?
For a lot of guys, it’s something like, “Hey, how are you?”
This may be a good in-person greeting with someone you know, but it’s the most vanilla first message on online dating – and it’s certainly NOT the way to make a good first impression. Women get this message 30-40 times a day and it’s boring.
Listen: you don’t need to be Shakespeare to get her to respond. You just need to stand out a little bit, show some personality, and show that you’re not another generic, boring, dick-pic sending dude.
So, here’s a simple formula for a good first message:
Observation about something in their profile and/or pictures + open-ended question
(Note: funny and witty is good here, but not necessary.)
Here are a couple examples…
In her profile, she talked about traveling and mentioned she wants to learn how to bake macaroons, so I said:
“Hey, you seem pretty adventurous and interesting, but I’m probably most impressed by your macaroon baking ambitions. What do you think of Madrid so far?”
In this girl’s profile, she was cheeky and funny, and she mentions how she just came from Germany and wants to learn the American culture, so I said:
“Your profile is pretty funny :p I can help show you American culture if you show me some of the German culture. What brings you to Boston?”
4. Lead the Conversation
I always hear of guys who spend weeks talking to women online before even trying to meet up with her. But 1) that’s a huge waste of time considering you don’t even know the girl and 2) that’s how you get catfished.
Don’t have conversations that lead to nowhere.
As the man, it’s your job to direct the conversation and lead it in your desired direction (i.e. meeting up with her).
So, your conversations should follow a two-step structure:
-In the first few messages, get to know each other a little bit. You should both be sharing a little about yourselves and your experiences.
-After you build some rapport, shift to setting up the date. Ask if she wants to hang out, then set the time/place. -Don’t overthink this – say something simple like, “You seem like fun. We should grab a drink later this week. Sound cool?”
-Get her phone number. When you get her number and text her, she’s much less likely to flake on the date.
This can take anywhere from 2-20 minutes but doesn’t really need to take longer than that (unless she’s a bit slow at responding).
If she seems really responsive and interested, you can even try to set up the date with in the first couple of messages. It varies in each conversation.
You can grab Dave’s FREE Texting Cheat Sheet Here or click the banner below:
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