While waving my pocket square through the air like I just didn’t care the other night, the many benefits of rocking a pocket square came to my mind. Here are just a few that most playboys might be aware of, but you’ll never find it mentioned in GQ, or Esquire.
5. Blow Your Nose
Yea, I know it’s hard to believe that you’d want to sneeze into your Hermes square, but best believe if you’re out with a bad filly and that feeling comes on you that your head is about to explode, you’ll thank God you have a pocket square mere inches from your face.
And don’t worry, you can get it cleaned.
4. Clean Your Sunglasses
The soft silk of a premium square is perfect for cleaning the smudges off your Persols or Ray-Bans. Careful of certain knit squares though as you might scratch your lenses, so stick to silk if you’re rocking a linen blazer on a summer day in the blazin’ sun.
3. Dry A Filly’s Tears
This one shouldn’t be an everyday occurence, but here and now in a playboy’s life, he will encounter The Breakdown, aka when one of your girls throws a tantrum, bawls her eyes out, or is on her period. 🙂
Pull your square. Gently dab her eyes. Enjoy the makeup sex. You’re welcome.
2. Wipe Your Steering Wheel
If you have a wood-grain steering wheel in your whip, then you’ll find at times it can get slippery. Wipe that bitch down with your pocket square before you hit the pedal and thank me later when your hands don’t slip taking a corner at 95.
Pro-Tip: anytime you wipe anything with your squares, use the inside of the fabric, not the ‘show’ side.
1. Wipe Your Cock Off After Sex
There will come a time in your player career when you’ll have quickie sex somewhere less than ideal. The juices that flow from her lovely pussy will need to be removed from your cock before you hoist your drawers. Use your square to wipe her juices off your cock (and maybe even your car seat).
For you cats scoffing at the idea, consider this: do you really want tissues stuck to your cock all day? Use the square and then get it cleaned you sick fuck.
Get squares. Don’t be a square.
Last note: your squares will get jacked by chicks throughout your player career. I believe chicks snatch them as a sort of trophy for the cute guy they met on vacation in Vegas. Hide the motherfuckers.