A poster (Black Caesar) on the free RealCMQForum.com posted this today and it’s one of the best breakdowns of dealing with multiple girls I’ve ever read. Check it out.
If they start causing drama and not meshing with the situation that you laid out for them in the beginning (I will mess with other girls but you’re the only one I actually care about and take on dates or whatever the frame is) then you soft fade on them. Don’t hit them up as often and they might get the idea and stop with the drama. Or they don’t and your thing ends and you find another girl who is willing to work with how you do things.
If they start with drama and want to get upgraded, you see them out with your main chick and they cause issues, or they start getting mad about the situation you run the same soft fade play as above. Or sometimes you can just blow them up (“I thought you were cool, but I guess not and we will never work so we should just stop now have a good life”) and move on. They may come back and get in line or may not.
If every thing is going well and girls aren’t causing drama then you reward them with slow upgrades of time or investment on your part.
So if your side girl is treating you well and not causing drama and not worrying about your main or even actively helping you out with restaurant recommendations or whatever, then you maybe take her on a date or bring some wine when you come chill.
Reward good behavior and soft next bad behavior. They will get the idea. “Oh when I did that I didn’t see him for a week, maybe I should not do that again”. Girls are smart about these things.
Also don’t make it clear that you are doing this reward/punish stuff, just be like “I’m super busy this week lets kick it next week or when I get some free time” cause otherwise you come off like you’re in your feelings. They will put two and two together.
The key is really to lay out how you are up front, not in like a logical discussion with them but just like “this is how I am and I’m not about to change and I like you but if you’re not down it’s cool we don’t have to hang” then do the reward or punish in the background based on whether she follows the rules you lay down in your head for how she should act. Trying to sit down with her and explain the rules is a loosing game, which I think is part of the problem you are having.
Logical debates with girls don’t usually go anywhere productive.
She will just keep arguing with you and trying to change your mind and wear you down over time.
Compare that to just letting her know the deal up front and then she can figure out where your boundaries are cause when she starts to cause drama she doesn’t see you as often as before.
Of course you have to be willing to walk away cause if you’re like “I don’t like drama” and then stick around and still kick it with her when she causes drama she will realize that and cause more drama cause it gets you where she wants hanging out.
The hardest part is setting things up in the beginning with the “humans should be free and I don’t do relationships like that so feel free to go out and bang other guys it’s cool I will be bagging other chicks”. A lot of the time they will test you and actually go mess around with a dude and you just have to shrug and be like “cool that’s awesome” and then be busy the next week and act like there is no issue. Then in her head she goes “hmm that didn’t work I thought maybe he would blow up and get mad cause that’s usually what would happen”. Then she doubles down on a different tactic.