Before a baby can run he has to walk and before he can walk he has to crawl. While you might be wondering what the heck does a baby’s learning process have to do with dating, it’s actually quite similar when developing dating skills.
In my step-by-step online academy I start with the process of making you into a well-rounded man. The biggest issue I see constantly, is men who will ask about bedding women and they haven’t even mastered the art of getting them on a date, or even getting their number.
This is, as my Uncle Tim would say, is putting the cart before the horse.
Before you get into bed, or a relationship with a girl, or even getting her phone number, it starts with your very FIRST interaction with her usually. Excluding situations where it could be a co-worker (I would discourage you from ever dipping your pen in the company ink), or a girl you’ve known in your social circle for some time, most of your interactions with women will be you approaching them expressing interest in going on a date.
There’s a million different ways to get a girl’s number, but the best way I’ve found is the most direct. Here’s why:
If you hem and haw around, the girl will instantly lose respect that you’re not man enough to come right out and be direct in your intentions.
Women are incredibly smart socially and are very good are reading between the lines, or as it’s called, they tend to have high Social IQ.
You might think you’re being smooth and clever while asking a mundane question to her to get a conversation flowing, but in her mind she’s thinking, “He must be interested in me so why doesn’t he just come out and ask?”.
The key is to get her number in a non-needy manner, but before you get to asking for her number you actually have to start a conversation with her.
Here’s an example:
You see a pretty girl at the hotel lounge at the hotel where you’re staying for work. You approach her and say the greatest ‘pickup’ line known to mankind: “I’m (your name). What’s your name?”
How the heck could it be that simple?
I’ll tell you why: while you’re being direct in your approach of walking up to her, stating your name proudly and asking for hers, the actual intent isn’t known to her YET, but HOW you say it and your body language is what communicates your intention (that you’re attracted to her).
If you walk up like you’re at a job fair, introduce yourself and ask for her name, then that comes across odd for the social setting of the hotel lounge.
If you walk up confidently with a twinkle in your eye and SLIGHT smile, then introducing yourself comes across playful, charming and interesting.
We as humans communicate more with our body language then what we verbally say. Some studies suggest up to 90% of our communication is through body language so you can see how powerful it really is.
Here’s the WRONG way to approach a girl with that line:
Walk up shifty-eyed, shoulders slumped and mumble your name while hesitantly asking for hers. This causes her internal ‘creep’ alert to start going off even if you’re simply nervous.
The RIGHT way to approach her is head high, consistent eye contact without staring through her and being relaxed.
After she says your name, then you can transition into a few different topics, like the following:
Mention the environment you’re in:
“You come here often?”
“I’m traveling for work, you as well?”
“Great lounge. Have you tried the martini yet?”
The key is to talk for a moment or two, find out a bit more about her in a fun and flirty way and then get her digits.
This exercise of getting her number FAST is great for newbies as well because there’s less pressure.
You don’t need to talk for 20 minutes to feel justified in getting her number.
Get in, get out.
The mission is make a quick connection and get her number with the intention of a date at another time WITHOUT using the word ‘date’.
Take the pressure off.
You want to follow the K.I.S.S. formula. I’m sure you’re familiar with it, but it stands for Keep It Simple Stupid.
Let’s say you approached with the opener I gave you, you talked for a couple of moments about your night and then you’re interested in meeting her sometime for drinks, then do this:
“Let’s grab drinks (or substitute with “coffee” if you don’t drink) sometime. Put your number in and I’ll text you”.
The second half of that line you’re SIMULTANEOUSLY putting your phone in her hand with the Add Contact screen open as you say the ‘line’.
This is assuming the sale.
I have about a 97% success rate with this and that’s because I can tell BEFORE I even request her number (but by saying it as a direct statement) that she’s probably interested based on the moment or two of conversation we had beforehand.
Transitioning that into an Insta-Date (where you go on a date right then and there) is a topic for another article, but for now focus on the following:
- Walk up to the girl you’re interested in confidently, head high, SLIGHT smile and say this: “I’m (your name). What’s yours?” You can even throw in a handshake, but don’t grab her hand like you’re shaking a man’s hand. It’s more of a light handshake where you can hold it for about a second or two longer than you would with a man to establish physical contact immediately. You’ll also be able to tell how she’s instinctively feeling about you by how receptive she is to the handshake. Think ROMANTIC, not CORPORATE handshake.
- Use your environment as a conversation topic. This is something that you will ALWAYS have, so it’s a great default. Talk for a couple of minutes remembering to keep the topics LIGHT, fun and be interested in her. This will cause her to feel more attraction for you as I showed you here.
- Get her number by extending your phone to her with the ‘Add Contact’ screen already open. You WILL get numbers like this. It assumes the sale, it’s confident and it shows the girl you go after what you want without being sleazy or shady.
Enjoy getting more numbers gentlemen which will lead to more dates, more sex and more relationships.
Learn step-by-step how to approach girls from kissing to closing here.