Your first date with her went great…
You made her laugh, had a few drinks, and even had a quick make out. Hell, maybe you even had sex with her. She told you she was having a lot of fun with you too. You think, “It’s going to be fun to hang out with this girl again.” All seems to have gone well.
But then, when you try to plan out the second date, she goes cold.
She’s not nearly as responsive, and won’t agree on a specific time and date. She says things like, “This week is a bit crazy, but maybe the next one.”
Eventually, you give up on trying to plan the second date, and realize that it’s probably not going to happen.
So, what went wrong? Most guys are left scratching their head, wondering why they weren’t able to land a second date.
Today, I’ll help you solve that mystery so you can understand what you may have done wrong – and also give you solutions to fix those mistakes. So, you can start landing second dates whenever you want them.
Let’s get into it.
Here’s are 7 reasons why you didn’t land the second date…
1. The Wrong Second Date Strategy
Sometimes it’s as simple as this: you don’t have good second date ideas.
Your second dates should be planned around the result of the first date. Specifically, around these three first date scenarios:
- If you slept with her on the first date, the second date should be something chill, at either your place or hers (that way, you can go for sex again quickly and make that a normal part of the relationship).
- If you brought her home and hooked up, but didn’t have sex, you should go for a second date idea that allows you to build trust and comfort with her, but doesn’t make her feel pressured to have sex with you (salsa lessons could be a good idea in this case). This allows you to give her some breathing room, and then you can go for sex on the third date.
- If you didn’t bring her home on the first date, you should go for an idea that allows you to bring her home as quickly as possible (something quick near your place or her’s).
If you choose the wrong kind of second date for your scenario, there’s a higher chance she’ll flake or be unresponsive.
2. You Didn’t Fuck Her Well Enough
Maybe you had sex with her on the first date – but your performance just wasn’t quite up to par. Perhaps you didn’t last long enough, weren’t dominant enough, or you were a little too drunk and got whiskey dick.
Some girls will give you a second chance, while others will opt not to see you again (to avoid more potential awkward or mediocre sex).
So, how do you solve this?
You need to learn how to fuck a girl the right way. Specifically, there are 7 sex fundamentals you should keep in mind:
- The build up – make her feel comfortable with you, make her feel like it’s worth the risk, earn her trust, and initiate it. These are the 4 things she needs from you before sex.
- Maximize skin-to-skin physical contact – you want as much of your skin touching her skin as possible. This increases the amount of pleasure hormones that are released.
- Dominance – tell her what to do, pull her hair, spank her, and fuck her doggy style in front of a mirror. When you’re dominant, she can let go and immerse herself in the experience.
- Passion – do things like make consistent eye contact with her during sex (50-60% of the time), and connect with her on a deeper level before sex.
- Clitoral and vaginal stimulation – use sexual positions that allow you to stimulate both her clit and her pussy.
- Good rhythm – fuck with her rhythmic thrusts, instead of thrusting like a broken jack hammer.
- Communication – use dirty talk, and don’t be afraid to moan a little bit. Lots of girls are turned on when guys moan, because it shows the guy is enjoying the experience with them.
Aside from these fundamentals, you should also learn Christian’s method of how to fuck a girl like a pornstar.
3. You Didn’t Move Fast Enough
Moving fast with women is key, whether you’re on a date, or trying to pick up girls at bars and clubs.
Mainly because attraction has an expiration date.
If you move too slowly with a girl, her attraction will expire. This likely will cause her to flake on the second date, friendzone you, or just avoid answering your texts altogether.
So, what are some ways you can move faster with a girl on the first date?
- Bring her back to your place or her’s. Your first dates should be set up so that it’s logistically easy to go to one of your places and hook up. You should at the very least invite every girl back to your place on the first date. And if you run the date right, she’ll usually say yes to that invitation.
- Lead her to more than one venue. Don’t spend two hours having drinks at the same bar. Go to one bar, then another, then back to your place. Keep the date moving and flowing.
- Make things sexual. Learn how to have a sexy vibe around women and get physical.
4. First Date Conversation Mistakes
What kind of things do you talk about on your first dates with girls? Do you cycle through random topics and “go with the flow”, or do you take a more strategic approach?
Most guys go with the flow, talk about random shit, and sometimes stumble on the right topics by accident. And so, these guys sometimes get laid – if they’re lucky.
But in order to connect with her and make things flirty and sexual, you need a little more of a plan when it comes to conversation topics.
A good conversation does at least one of three things:
- Helps you connect with her (usually by focusing on things about her). For example, topics like her dreams, her passions, and where she wants to travel.
- Pushes the date forward (escalates things and helps you to move her to some place more intimate later on). For example, topics like her favorite music, what she finds sexy in a guy, and dancing.
- Handles the logistics (resolves any issues/timeframes with taking her home or seeing her again). For example, topics like what she’s up to later on/tomorrow, and what she’s up to this week.
If you’re not getting second dates, it’s probably because your conversations are stalling out, you’re failing to connect with her, you’re failing to make things flirty, or you’re failing to lead her. These types of topics will help you do all of those things, as well as give you the right questions to ask a girl.
5. You Screwed Up with Your Text Game
Text game stops many guys in their tracks. Even if the first date goes well, you can mess things up with text game.
How? Well, here are some common texting mistakes that guys make:
- Being her texting buddy (i.e. texting her all throughout the day without a purpose or without moving things forward)
- Not confirming the second date the right way
- Going over the top and being needy (i.e. sending paragraphs, making dumb jokes, etc.)
When texting a girl, remember the two main objectives of texting:
- Build a little rapport/comfort (especially if you didn’t get a chance to do so when you met her because it was a quick interaction)
- Set up the date/meetup
And remember: women don’t fuck their texting buddies. Learn how to text girls once and for all here.
6. You Missed Her Signs
A lot of guys try and wait for the right signs before they make a move. The problem is, they don’t understand how to spot the signs. And so, they miss the signs, and the girl is left wondering, “What is this guy’s deal? Does he even like me, or is he just afraid to go for it?”
This makes her a lot more hesitant to go on the second date. After all, why would she want to hang out with a guy who either doesn’t like her, or is afraid to go for what he wants with women?
Here are some simple signs she’ll give you when she wants you to make a move and/or take her home:
- She’s receptive to your touch, and touches you back
- She follows your lead without question
- She gets in your personal space (and is comfortable with you in her’s)
- She asks you about your living situation
7. Outside Circumstance
Sometimes there’s nothing you can do. External circumstances come into play – she has a family tragedy, gets back with her boyfriend, goes a on a long vacation, etc. Whatever the case, the second date doesn’t happen and you don’t have much control of it.
You usually won’t know when it’s the result of external circumstances, so it’s better to analyze your first date based on the other reasons here, and consider which things you need to work on.
Wrapping Up Why You Didn’t Land the Second Date
When you want to see a girl again but can’t land the second date, it sucks. But by understanding the reasons listed here, you can land second dates a lot more consistently.
To recap, here are the 7 reasons why you didn’t land the second date:
- The wrong second date strategy
- You didn’t fuck her well enough
- You didn’t move fast enough
- First date conversation mistakes
- You screwed up with your text game
- You missed her signs
- Outside circumstances
So, keep these in mind, try and correct them, and start enjoying more second date success!
Dave Perrotta runs PostgradCasanova.com and is the author of the book Conversation Casanova: How to Effortlessly Start Conversations and Flirt Like a Pro. You can download his free Conversation Cheat Sheet and get 5 proven hacks to start conversations and flirt with women.